The ZEAL of Marriage

Zealously Pursue the Lord. Romans 12:11 & Revelation 3:19

• Live near the cross and the empty tomb. We are called to weep both tears of sorrow and joy in our walk, but everything about loving our husbands is founded on and empowered by the work of Christ.

• Read your Bible first thing every day. Then, read good books. I know you don't 'have' to read your Bible every day, nor at a certain time, but I have to get some Bible and prayer into me before the kraken are released.

• Pray. In the quiet and in the whirlwind. Work for times of solitude that are devoted to prayer, and pray every moment of exhilaration and discussion and the second time someone's elbow sends a full glass of milk to the floor.

• Fight for satisfaction in Him alone. The loneliest people are married ones. Don't find your greatest joy, hope, purpose, beauty, or identity in your husband. Fight - and it will be just that at times - to root yourself in Christ alone. As your love for Christ flourishes, your love of your husband will abound.

• Find a church family, wherever you are, for however long, and put down deep roots.

• Find an older woman. Let her see your mess. It will grow you.

• Find a younger woman. Let her see your mess. It will grow you in a different way.

Ennoble your husband. Proverbs 12:4

• Speak respectfully of him. Sometimes, don't speak at all. The Proverbs 31 wife probably could have destroyed her husband's reputation with the city leaders - wives have that ability. In a culture where husband-bashing is an up-and-coming Olympic event, purpose to speak highly of him. Build him up. Sometimes, that means not saying anything.

• Be the Trophy Wife. You have found wonderful love and acceptance for who you are - regardless of make-up, clothing, or fitness. But still try. Do it for him.

• Trust the Lord to sanctify your husband. Be patient. When something is irritating you, pray first. Ask the Lord to convict him. Work at sitting back and waiting on the Lord.

• Pray for him every day.You are his greatest cheerleader and prayer warrior. This is serious work. Get to it.

• Pursue him physically and delight in your beloved. Be delighted in. Depending on who you are, one side of this is harder. But it is central to your marriage.

• Think positively of him throughout the day. There is no better way to destroy intimacy and desire for your husband than to let little nagging annoyances crowd your mind. Build your anticipation for him coming home and spending time with him by fostering thankful thoughts and prayers throughout the day.

Adorn the Gospel. Titus 2:10

• Titus 2 says that what you do in your home - at Walmart - on the phone - either beautifies the Gospel or smears filth all over it. Your attitude, from a kid giving herself a haircut to the stomach flu to meltdowns in play areas, matters. This is Kingdom work.

• So repent often. Repent first. This is a huge area God is refining in me. Really say you are sorry, name the sin, ask for forgiveness, and turn to the good. 

• Put flesh to your husband's provision. Just as Christians are the hands and feet of Christ through the Church, so too are wives and mothers often the hands and feet of their husband's provision. He earns money, and you 'incarnate' that into a great dinner, or red sparkly shoes, or watercolor paints. So give like He gives - brilliant petals on spring trees that aren't really necessary, or a million varieties of ants, or chocolate.

• Pursue ministry. Start at home, but don't stop there.

• Discuss. Disagree. Submit with a happy heart...that last bit is the hardest.

• Your body and soul are meant to be worn and used. Give them joyfully. We are not to be preserved. Wrinkles and stretch marks and muffin tops are glorious. Give freely, lift some weights, but know that these are only our peanut shells. Our little clay pots are being worn out into eternal, brilliant glory.

Laugh. A Lot. Proverbs 11:25 & Ecclesiastes 3

• Make your home a haven. Decorate in a way your husband enjoys. Greet him at the door with a kiss. Get candles in his favorite scent, watch the shows he loves, and enjoy what he enjoys. Even if it is basketball.

• Enjoy your children. Really.

• Give extravagantly. Start with your time. Give like Christ has given to you.

• Don't take yourself too seriously. Seriously.

• Enjoy the process - dishes, laundry, travel, packing, dirty diapers, weeds, meals that inevitably need to be made. He has given you the ability the enjoy this abundant life. And don't forget, blessings aren't always butterflies and kittens. Sometimes they hit you like a hail-storm.