It's somewhat inevitable that when you spend a year studying trials and the importance of living on unseen things that God will bring some trials into your life. Andy has been unemployed for about a month now, which has enabled him to bond with Merian, do some substitute teaching, and attend SR10 - all wonderful blessings. But right now, as we run ahead without knowing where the next footfall will land, the path seems dark. Andy is discouraged, and neither of us knows what's around the bend. Please pray that God would be gracious to reveal His plan, at least in part - to direct us to the right doors, even if they need some pounding to open.
I lapse into my Rachel-tendencies of meddling and helping God as best I can - I start chopping some tomatoes and worrying about browning meat. After all, I need to make some stew. It's no coincidence that I currently don't have an online Spring class and I can't help by picking up some other job because Tyncy is due mid-May. God has taken away my knife, my vegetables, and my chuck roast - He's telling me to sit and trust. Run, fight...and wait. I need some lessons from Mary, I suppose. And Job. Every day. And then you die.
I'm so frustrated by my lack of faith. I am surrounded by momentous miracles and small miracles - I just watched a dear family adopt a child in a process that took SIX MONTHS. I heard about every tiny detail that fell perfectly into place. I met my sweet friend-that's-closer-than-a-sister and saw her baby girl! After multiple miscarriages and seemingly little chance of having another child, God has given her a baby girl! And Andy got a full refund for not being able to attend Shepherd's Conference. Big things and little things - I imagine God just smiling and shaking his head at me as He takes away my stew pot...again.
I have no idea how bills will get paid, where God is taking Andy, or what jobs and babies will look like. How do you run fiercely ahead without knowing what's below your feet, or where the course is going? Faith. God's promises pave a smoothly tumultuous road. They guarantee some stretching and jostling, but no falls, broken bones, or exhaustion. It's such a mystery - may the mystery result in glorification and not fear.
