It's somewhat inevitable that when you spend a year studying trials and the importance of living on unseen things that God will bring some trials into your life. Andy has been unemployed for about a month now, which has enabled him to bond with Merian, do some substitute teaching, and attend SR10 - all wonderful blessings. But right now, as we run ahead without knowing where the next footfall will land, the path seems dark. Andy is discouraged, and neither of us knows what's around the bend. Please pray that God would be gracious to reveal His plan, at least in part - to direct us to the right doors, even if they need some pounding to open.
I lapse into my Rachel-tendencies of meddling and helping God as best I can - I start chopping some tomatoes and worrying about browning meat. After all, I need to make some stew. It's no coincidence that I currently don't have an online Spring class and I can't help by picking up some other job because Tyncy is due mid-May. God has taken away my knife, my vegetables, and my chuck roast - He's telling me to sit and trust. Run, fight...and wait. I need some lessons from Mary, I suppose. And Job. Every day. And then you die.
I'm so frustrated by my lack of faith. I am surrounded by momentous miracles and small miracles - I just watched a dear family adopt a child in a process that took SIX MONTHS. I heard about every tiny detail that fell perfectly into place. I met my sweet friend-that's-closer-than-a-sister and saw her baby girl! After multiple miscarriages and seemingly little chance of having another child, God has given her a baby girl! And Andy got a full refund for not being able to attend Shepherd's Conference. Big things and little things - I imagine God just smiling and shaking his head at me as He takes away my stew pot...again.
I have no idea how bills will get paid, where God is taking Andy, or what jobs and babies will look like. How do you run fiercely ahead without knowing what's below your feet, or where the course is going? Faith. God's promises pave a smoothly tumultuous road. They guarantee some stretching and jostling, but no falls, broken bones, or exhaustion. It's such a mystery - may the mystery result in glorification and not fear.
2 comments:
You are so real. I love that about you. I am so blessed by you... I can't tell you how many times I am inspired by your attitude, outlook, and response to the tough things. Thanks for the clarity in the midst of uncertainty... seeing the blessing in hardship: learning to trust Him more. I can't thank you enough for sharing in sorrows and joys. I am truly excited for what He has in store for you and your family... greater things are yet to come!
I guess I can relate somewhat to what you are going through- though at this moment I still am employed. If the situation wasn't so far over our heads it might seem like we should just get out and do something.
It will be fun to see what God teaches us all during the season and then try to retain the lesson when He again gives us seasons of plenty- whatever we may be doing.
I can't believe He allowed us to adopt in 2009 and somehow He covered all the bills.
I think that is His point- at least to me- "Look to Me- not tomorrow, not even later today, just keep looking and trusting in Me", but oh that is so hard for those of us who feel the need to solve all these problems.
Praying like our lives depend on it- because they do.
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