Adoption Musings

I'm slowly reading through a book called Adopted For Life by Russell Moore. It's pretty good, and that paired with Chuck and Teresa Weinberg's recent visit to Ethiopia has put adoption more and more on my heart.

Most people know that I was adopted at birth, though some are surprised because I 'fit' so well into my family. I have amazing parents - most kids take that for granted, but when you're adopted, it hits particularly hard that, though it's true of all of us, you could have ended up with anyone. My birth mother was sixteen, and her parents wanted her to keep me and they planned to help raise me. She, however, wanted her child to have a stable family with a father and mother. I have no real desire to meet either of my birth parents (perhaps I will post more on that later), but I wish I could send one letter to her thanking her for her courage and sacrifice.

One important point that Moore makes early in his book that I wanted to pass along here is this: I beg you to never ever ask an adopted person who his or her real parents are. You mean biological parents - how does their one-night fling make them "real" parents? Without realizing it you're falling into so many contemporary Western ideas of family and children that are SO WRONG. I can't tell you how many conversations I've had along these lines:

"Wow, you're adopted? Have you ever met your real parents?"
"No, I have never met my biological parents."
"But, don't you want to know who your real parents are?"
(When I am in a particularly good mood):
"No, I have no desire to meet my random DNA providers. However, my REAL parents are right here if you would like to talk to them."

Asking someone about their "real" (i.e. biological) parents is like asking a Christian, "so, what about Satan? Don't you want to meet him?" Just like we are fully adopted in Christ and no longer slaves to unrighteousness or a child of the Devil, so when you adopt a child that child is totally yours. Not extended babysitting. Not an extra cousin. It's instant, like your entrance into the family of the High King upon your conversion and salvation.

I think people are naturally fascinated with adoption (it is amazing!), but be careful with your curiosity. People feel open asking adopted kids and parents the most intimate things they wouldn't ask "normal" families. Please show grace, and never ever ever ever ask someone about their real parents, unless you're talking about their real parents - you know, the ones that have raised, clothed, disciplined, instructed, encouraged, housed, and fed them.