As we come to the close of another year, sometimes I just study Merian’s face and feel overwhelmed with blessing – and that’s just the heap of blessing contained in the creation and sustenance of her little soul. When I begin to then ponder the things God has given us, and then His incredible love, power, sovereignty, and His free gift of eternal life in Christ, it almost terrifies me.
Oddly, in the midst of such blessing, I find myself fearful. I am afraid that there is simply too much - Andy's great job, health, provision, house, daughter, food, many luxuries I think are needs - and that something must give. It's not that I feel spiritually dry and in need to drastic breaking, but I fear I get too much pleasure from the blessing and not enough pleasure from the Blesser. Those moments when I just look at Merian are sometimes interrupted by a stifling fear that God will take her from me, or me from her.
Yet, as Zimmer reminded us on Sunday, God is simply not like that. I was listening to a Piper sermon on George Mueller the other day, and in it he quoted Mueller during the eulogy Mueller gave after his first wife died of rheumatic fever. Mueller said something along the lines of, "I prayed to God and said, 'if it be your will to heal her, then that is the best for me, but if you do not choose to heal her, than that is the best thing for me.'" That floored me - what a tremendous faith that takes God at His precious Word.
I must tell myself I am simply passing through - this is all God's and He has given me stewardship of it for a time - and I keep repeating to myself that GOD IS GOOD and perfect love drives out fear. It's funny, though I believe God is sovereign, powerful, merciful, just, and loving, it seems the nagging chink and doubt in the armor is often about His goodness. I should take some of my own advice and listen to my favorite quote of the Chronicles of Narnia: "course he isn't safe, but he is good."
2 comments:
Oh, I soooo know what you mean. Each early morning when I'm nursing that sweet baby I am overcome with the same feeling...and then when I have all three close to me, the feeling is even exponentially more overwhelming. I like that Mueller quote. It reminded me of one from Sarah Edwards after Jonathan Edwards died -
"A holy and good God has covered us with a dark cloud. O that we may all kiss the rod and lay our hands on our mouths. The Lord has done it. He has made me adore his goodness that we had him so long. But my God lives and he has my heart. O what a legacy my husband and your father has left us. We are all given to God and there I am and love to be."
Yikes, I have some serious growing to do.
Someone told me in the midst of Grant's event that they couldn't even imagine losing their son, and I said that God didn't require me to imagine that with Grant, right now, and that He had not required that of them either. God know what we need and what we can handle, and He will give us exactly what is best for both of those.
Good is Good and He loves and cares for His children. Love Him most of all and let Him do what He will, because in the end it's much better that way.
Abraham, Job, Daniel, David, Ruth, Esther, Joseph are just a few who had some trials that God allowed and yet in the end they would all say that God knows best.
Post a Comment