I'm not sure Merian is so excited about her weight - well, maybe she's just not excited about being cold and without covering:
I've learned much in 5 weeks: I am not a very patient person (especially with lack of sleep, but isn't that when it really counts?), I cannot do all the things I'm used to doing (what, babies really do take all your time and energy?), and I cannot force Merian onto my schedule (Evidence: last night, trying to get ready for small group with a hungry child who needed to suddenly eat, then deposited most of that onto her front and into her diaper, required a change and then, when we did arrive thirty minutes late, proceeded to cry for the majority of Small Group). I've also discovered the little sin nature. Yesterday when I tried to give Merian her gripe water (we have an elaborate series of liquid in syringes Merian consumes with each feeding, but doesn't exactly enjoy), as I put it to her lips she looked right at me with her beautiful blue eyes and shut her mouth fast. Then she farted. It was quite a statement.
I've also learned a lot about trusting God. She is God's - we are her stewards. I must trust her to Him. I don't think you know fear until a little soul is sleeping next to you in a hospital room and you're afraid to fall asleep in case she stops breathing. Spurgeon's entry for May 21st in Mornings and Evenings is this, and I thought it so appropriate as I've just been reading through Deuteronomy and Joshua:
Build on eternal truths, and truly build on them. Get "the sure mercies of David" (Isa. 55:3), and surely get them. Let your anchor be cast into that which is within the veil, and see to it that your soul is linked to the anchor by a cable that will not break. Advance beyond these dreary "ifs." Abide no more in the wilderness of doubts and fears. Cross the Jordan of distrust, and enter the Canaan of peace, where the Canaanite still lingers, but where the land does not cease to flow "with milk and honey."
3 comments:
I really liked the Spurgeon quote, I will try to keep it in mind during those very scary "What if" moments at night. I already do know the fear of staying awake to make sure someone is breathing. Our doctor told us a few weeks back that Glenn has, as he put it, "very generous" tonsils, and that when Glenn is sleeping, they tend to flap back and block the airway, hence Glenn's chronic snoring. Then the Dr told me, if he ever stops breathing, just give him a nudge! As I sit there with a horrified look on my face! And of course, thanks to pregnancy pains, I'm already awake most of the night! So I lie there night after night, listening to my husband breathe, freaking out if he pauses for a moment or I can't hear a breath, too much in the grips of fear and absolute exhaustion to even remember to pray!
Maybe this is a practice run, so I can learn how to trust God, before the baby comes! -Erica
Leila you have to remember that chunky babies are the cutest babies! It is also evidence that you are doing your job by eating the right foods to make her healthy! Keep up the great work! And thanks for lending us your hubby yesterday! He is our savior!
Leila, I love you and I love this post. How exciting to see God teaching you so much even through the blessing--and challenge--of parenthood.
Aaaand.... I also wanted to say that the end of the second paragraph made me laugh. Audibly.
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