Eucatastrophe

Surprised By Oxford

2011-10-12T14:19:00.000-07:00

I just finished an engaging and challenging (not in style, in content) autobiography entitled Surprised by Joy, by Carolyn Weber. With beautiful voice she relates her first year at Oxford University and her conversion to Christianity. Perhaps I like it because my life trajectory would likely have followed hers had I been saved in college (a love of literature, a drive to succeed, attending Oxford, a fierce feminist). But it is also a glittering mix of good story telling, poetry, literary references, philosophy, and just an honest soul sharing how The Storyteller saved her. And there's a great lower-case love story, too, for us sappy types.

There was also one passage especially interesting in light of recent conversations about God's love (circulating around John 3:16). Weber relates a dinner conversation during a very fancy meal at Oxford with many famous politicians, alumni, etc. One was a prominent scientist who dealt in time and space, confined to a wheelchair, who shared how he did not find science and faith at odds. He boldly shares his faith, stating, "the more I discovered of the scientific world, the more it convinced me of the amazing interconnectedness and brilliancy of God's design. People tend to think of science as being at odds with faith, but nothing could be further from the truth. The one only confirms the other; the one only illuminates its echo, and yet its limitations and dependence in the face of the other."

Then, at the end of the meal, a waiter comes to help the scientist from the table. Waiters aren't supposed to talk to the guests, most world-renowned in their fields or celebrities or such, but this waiter is a science buff and excitedly asks the scientist what he believes is the greatest force in the universe. His answer (which rather stuns the waiter):

"The answer to your query is love...there is nothing more powerful, more radical, more transformational than love. No other source or substance or force...often folks dismiss it as mere emotion, but it is far more than that. Not the Great Love of the Universe, as I like to call it. Not the Love that set everything in motion, keeps it in motion, which moves through all things yet bulldozes nothing...try it, just try it. If you love that Great Love first, because It loved you first...life without that kind of faith - that's death."

Just Get To It

2011-09-07T21:38:00.000-07:00

"Just" usually diminishes or lessens in everyday speak. "I'm just going to eat one more bite," or "I'm just going to Community College," or, "I'm just the team manager." In stepping on the scale you tell yourself it's just five more pounds, and even on the torture device called a treadmill you convince yourself it's just ten more minutes of agony.

Which is all fine and good, except I've realized in myself and others the tendency for a young woman to say, in response to the ever-asked, "what are you going to do when you graduate/grow-up" -- "I just want to be a mom."

Whoa. Just want to be a mom? I know why we say it - it's to mark our path. We're acknowledging no desire or plans to climb the corporate ladder or "find" ourselves in Budaphest. But we need to take the "just" out, because there is nothing diminished or simple or less about mothering. I'm not very old, and I've not spent much time on the children ride in the amusement park of life, but between national levels of competition and study abroad and graduate school and professorship and everything else, mothering is the hardest thing yet. Perhaps graduate school and teaching are hard in a certain intellectual way, but discovering what the Duke of Windsor was wearing to Queen Elizabeth's Coronation Ceremony without using the Internet is a totally different animal than trying to cook dinner and monitor a toddler who loves chalk and a young lady who wants to climb the outside of the stairs and know where food goes after you chew it and a ringing phone and...did I add the garlic?

So, let's remove just, at least from this part of the conversation. We're all agreed motherhood is hard and requires an absurd and supernatural dying to self to really love crazy town. That also means that "I just want to be a mom" cannot be an excuse for laziness. If we have established that motherhood is one of the most challenging occupations on the planet, are you preparing your daughters to meet it? With grace? Well equipped? Have they bought their books and passed their tests and refined their skills? Have they completed all 90 credits of course work?

On a quick pass through Proverbs 31, let's consider some areas of distribution credit:

Wisdom and Understanding: How much wisdom does your daughter have? Does she listen to, read, digest, and study good things? Does she have a mind trained to discern good and evil? Can she examine and critically analyze culture, art, film, and literature to both engage with her husband in profitable conversations and train up her children to do the same? How much time has she spent with older women learning from them? Does she love the Word? Is she memorizing it?
Time Management: Can your daughter get up on time? Can she make and stick to a schedule? Does she exercise regularly for the right reasons - does she redeem her time in general? The Proverbs 31 woman can pack a whole lot into a day, and laziness doesn't even hang around her doorstep.
Talents: have you developed your daughter's talents? Do you even know them? Is she artistic - can she sew or knit or paint? Is she mathematical - does she love design or building? Is she a servant? What about nursing or medicine or teaching? Can she take great photographs? Play the piano? Organize? The Proverbs 31 woman knows her talents and performs all of them with excellence for the good of her family and community.
Hard Worker: I think this lady has some calluses - does your daughter work hard? Can she sweat? Can she climb up into blistering attics and rewire a kitchen without complaining? Can she garden - does she know how to raise her own food if necessary for her family? Can she run and lift weights and make her arms strong?
Money and Thrift: can your daughter plan out meals for a week? Does she then know good prices on food items - can she locate the best deals, buy the food for a week, and prepare it? Does she understand finances, how to balance a checkbook, keep a budget, the difference between an IRA and a 401K? What about good stock to invest in? Does she know how to take her talents and market them - how to creatively seek out new merchant ships and travel and help provide for her family?
Selflessness and service: when was the last time your daughter opened her hand to the poor? Served in a soup kitchen? Went on a mission trip? Opened her eyes and offered to watch a couple's kids so they could have an anniversary date together?

And then there is childhood development and artistic crafts with pasta noodles and not only seeking after discipleship but turning around and discipling others. There is a willingness to enter the front lines and not hide behind well-decorated doors. There is an ability to make a home full of warmth and life and personality, and a knowledge of how to change diapers or dislodge a marble from a nose.

Obviously we learn as we go, and as we seek Him, God makes great mothers out of all of us, no matter our level of preparation. And the best preparation for being a mother and a wife is being a godly woman. Who knows what your future holds. But if you want to just be a Mom, then you better just get off your hindquarters and start building some serious muscle.

My Top 10 Baby Items

2011-05-27T20:48:00.000-07:00

I know a lot of people having babies. I have babies. I am far less experienced than most of my friends, but I thought I would share my Top Ten List of Baby Items, in no particular order:

1. Maclaren Stroller

Researching a stroller is a bit like researching a new car, but with far more opinions and contradictory pieces of information. I am convinced that many back-specialists and chiropractors secretly fund the creation of overly short, bulky, or ill-conceived designs, yet much like the wipers on Volvo headlights, they add completely unnecessary gadgets like a temperature gauge. I have a jogging stroller I enjoy, but on the whole find travel systems overly priced and rather unhelpful once Bundle of Joy #2 arrives. Enter: the MacLaren. I have two, and they fold easily, weigh about eight pounds, and can take a lot of abuse.

2. "Hooter Hiders"

Otherwise known a "Udder Blockers" or some other pithy title, these are nursing covers that attach around the neck and have a bit of corset boning around the top to allow you to see your baby. For those thinking, as I foolishly did, "can't I just use a blanket to cover myself?" - unless you are one of the few mutant superheroes who are capable of this feat, once Bundle of Joy can grab and pull, you will be wanting one of these unless you feel like...celebrating...the joys of nursing. Publicly. These are genius, but even I, whose sewing ability peaks at being able to press a peddle and thread a needle, can make one. Or, you can look on Etsy for cheap, cute alternatives that don't cost $40.

3. Cuisinart Mini-Chop

Now, I don't have one of the "it-grows-the-food-and-harvests-it-and-peels-it-and-steams-it-and-stores-it-and-feeds-it" machines that I occasionally lust over in Williams-Sonoma catalogues, but if you can steam a few carrots, just buy a mini-chop. Steam the food, stick it in, chop it, and then put the pureed food in BPA free ice cub trays. Once frozen, remove the plops and stick them in ziploc bags or containers and keep in the freezer for easy serving sizes. Wholesomebabyfood.com is one of my favorite sites for ideas and recipes and 'when to serve what food.'

4. IKEA's Antilop High Chair

This thing is about $29, and another $10 for the tray. It's FANTASTIC. It's cute and easy to clean and inexpensive compared to other versions - like our beautiful wooden maple chair from Amazon which is destined for the burn pile.

5. BumGenius One-Size 4.0 Cloth Diapers with Snaps

I'm all about hugging trees and kissing fish - but I primarily like cloth diapers because they save money, especially if you want more than one kid. I always thought a good friend of mind was sick in the head when she said she loved folding cloth diapers and stacking them nicely - but now I understand. Apparently, I have drunk the kool-aid. And I like it. Once you get into the swing of cloth diapering, it's really easy. And don't spend your money on expensive diaper pails - just get a trash can with handles from Target or WalMart.

6. Soft Shoes

I don't like 'hard' baby shoes - they never stay on my kids, and I always wonder, are they comfortable? And what is the point? So, I LOVE soft shoes. Robeez are still my favorite, and they are the best quality, but there are also great shoes on Etsy, and a fantastic seller on Ebay who sells her shoes for about $10!

7. Play Mats

We have the Rainforest Play Mat, and it is genius. It only entertains them until a year or so, but they are WONDERFUL. Seriously. Get one. It's the best toy for a little baby.

8. KidCo PeaPod

I have a Pac 'n' Play, which is great for room time, corralling a small child who shouldn't otherwise be wandering, or alternative sleeping locations, like my parents' closet. But for traveling - play dates - church - the PeaPod is wonderful. If I had to choose between a Pac 'n' Play and the PeaPod, I would take the PeaPod. It's like a mini-tent that folds into a tiny circle and weighs just a few pounds (unless you like the lug around the Pac 'n' Play like I used to haul my Bass Clarinet onto the bus in Junior High). Be warned: it pops open rather violently, and if you are at all directionally challenged (not compass direction - like, following directions), it can be tricky to fold.

9. Gerber GPA Free NUK Cups and Playex First Sipsters and Munchkin Snack Cups

Best sippy cups that I have used! Minimal spillage, though the Playtex sippies wear out once the little bundle has teeth. The snack cups are fantastic for administering a rushed breakfast without dislocating a shoulder.

10. Evenflo BPA Free Purely Comfi Bottles

Both my kids have loved these. They are BPA Free, reduce air intake, work if you're pumping or using formula, and are inexpensive (unlike some other bottles that will cost you more than the kid). I don't like the nipples that come with them - go with Dr. Brown ones.

There you go! Any other thoughts...?

Leila

Modern Education

2011-05-04T11:14:00.001-07:00

It's been awhile, and so I decided to not only post, but to update my blog a bit. Someone around here needs a make-over, and I have a few pounds to go before I'm getting new clothes, so instead the blog is getting a spring wardrobe.

So much has changed over the past few months I was tempted to just start a whole new blog, but now that seems unnecessary. It's easy in the changes of life to chuck the old aside, hit refresh, and start over. But that's not the way stories go, and that's not the way God works. He erases our sins, but never the plot, and even the boring, tragic, or day-to-day chapters He makes glorious.

Which has nothing to do with this post. A companion of mine at EvCC left a brilliant journal in my mailbox, and I have been reading it instead of grading essays. I have also been staring out the window at sunshine and musing about teal-colored shoes. Which has nothing to do with this post. The journal is called the Intercollegiate Review, and it's published by the Intercollegiate Studies Institute (ISI), a conservative and fascinating group of crazy, anti-establishment traditional rebels.

It contains an article entitled "Liberal Learning Confronts the Composition Despots." It's fantastic - and I will mainly link to it, because it says everything I've been thinking much better than I have thought or communicated it. I love one of his opening quotes: "'Education,' in the original sense, is true to its ultimate Latin root word, educere, 'to lead forth,' 'to bring out.' Maturity, which is its goal, thus requires an emergence from or growing out of an undeveloped or incomplete condition: that self-centeredness that seems an innate element of the human condition."

Then, he rightly criticizes the current Education system in America, where "it ought to be clear that we are dealing not with the failure of an educational system but rather with fraud on a grand scale. We cannot 'reform' our system of education because it is not at all a system...but instead a curious and uneven amalgam of job training, indoctrination, and custodial care." He moves on to argue for the necessity of reading and history in true education, which is "not merely an accumulation of information or techniques; it is a comprehensive vision of reality, seeing beyond the immediate horizon while knowing the limits of its perception."

For the past few years, especially, I have watched students enter my class with less - less personal responsibility, critical thinking, and ability to formulate an English sentence. Possessive pronouns are becoming antiquated, apparently, because our schools current curriculum could've never focused on the importence of grammar. We need a return to tradition. We need to start reading books again. We need to teach BOOKS in composition courses. Really, just read the article. It's worth your time. And I need to go grade papers about weather or not Frankensteins monster is a human bean.

6 Years + 100 Posts

2010-08-27T20:49:00.000-07:00

Six years ago I was packing for my Honeymoon and going over a massive list of decoration details with my cousins and parents. Things had stacked up because the week before the wedding was full of rain and one day of sun (sound familiar?). I was exhausted, exhilarated, and slightly terrified...anyone who truly understands the marriage covenant should have healthy fear.

Tonight I stood at our kitchen window and stared at the yard. It has changed a bit - no more trees, clover in the grass, a new house on the ceremony site. This evening is the kind I dreamed of - slightly warm, a beautiful sunset, and fall in the air. But God knows best, and He shows Himself off perfectly. Far better to tell people the day of our outdoor wedding the rain stopped thirty minutes before pictures began and started again as the last chair was loaded.

As I tore apart our basement trying to find our Wedding CDs, I came across some of our pre-marital documents. Here are the goals I listed:

1. Glorify God and die to self daily
2. Raise children 'the way they are bent,' in the Church, and by example with great love
3. Foster servanthood
4. Be obedient to the Word
5. Stay in the Word, Prayer, and Church - fellowship with each other daily
6. Never go to bed angry
7. Always communicate, especially about segmented things like money or work
8. Foster belovedness with notes, surprises, etc.

Pretty lofty goals, huh? But, by God's grace, and in spite of our deeply entrenched sin, I think we've held to these goals. We have never gone to bed angry. We definitely don't always die to self, but Andy is teachable and quick to work through my stinky attitude. I never suspected how central the church would become to our marriage - how the teaching, fellowship, friendships, and accountability have shaped and encouraged and fueled our love.

Couples that pray together - and serve together - stay together. It's so tempting to scuttle away into newlywed newness, but much more profitable to jump in the trenches together and get a little scuffed and worn.

I love my husband, so much more than I did that night six years ago. That was just shiny, new-care-smelling kind of love. Now we've put some miles on the tires and tested the brakes. We've got two more passengers. We have some chips in the paint. But it's been a great ride, and I hope for some more curves ahead because this is just so much fun.

Prayer Request

2010-07-11T16:37:00.000-07:00

Most of you know I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes when I was about 30 weeks pregnant with Lucy. Thankfully my blood sugar levels returned to normal after I had her, but as my Doctor said, this is a "shot across the bow" for my health. It indicates a genetic propensity for Type Two Diabetes later in my life, and he encouraged me to work at getting healthy and losing weight.

So, for my birthday my parents graciously bought me a BodyBugg. They wear these on the Biggest Loser, and it's a device that tracks with 90% accuracy your calorie burn for a given day. Then you input your food into an online system and can see how much you burned versus how much you ate. It's the simple law of thermodynamics - energy is neither created nor destroyed, it is either burned or stored in happy fat cells.

I'm excited, and I'm nervous. I have been on some sort of diet off and on since the fourth grade - Weight Watchers, Curves, South Beach, Atkins, semi-starvation...I've tried them all. I have lost and regained weight more often than I can count, and that makes me a pessimist. But I have never had the right motivation. I've wanted to fit into a certain brand, get a boyfriend, look better for equestrian events, feel beautiful. All have been self-absorbed motives, and perhaps that is why all have failed.

I was very convicted a few months back when I was reading Piper's fourth book in his The Swans Are Not Silent series. He was discussing that J. Machen was always about twenty pounds overweight. Machen died fairly young, and though Piper recognized the sovereignty of God, he wondered what Machen might have achieved for God had he been healthier and more disciplined. Ouch! As I work for a more service-oriented perspective on my time and life, and I look at my husband and two sweet daughters, now I desire healthy vigor to spend it for those around me. I want to be fit so I can wear myself out for Christ. I want to be healthy so I can, as much as is within my power, be all here to raise my children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. I want to be a beautiful crown for my husband.

Accordingly, please pray for my discipline. I am so weak in this area. It is frustrating - it is humbling for someone who thinks she is so controlled and organized. Pray that I will have self-control to say no to food - to the pleasure of the moment - for the greater good. Pray that I can buffet my body, prioritize exercise over the millions of things that need/should/might get done each day, and ENJOY it. Stick me in a weight room for an hour or give me a Pilates class and I'm happy. Throw me on a treadmill for five minutes and I'm crying like a baby. I have done hard physical work in the past (UW Crew tryouts, anyone?), and I'm not afraid of pain, and God's glory and working in His service is the best motivation I can have.

Thank you for your support. This makes me accountable to you. Please say something if I reach for a doughnut. I might rail against it in my heart, but I know it's right, and I know I need help.

Tyncy's Update

2010-04-08T21:13:00.000-07:00

Today we had a 34-week growth ultrasound for Tyncy, and it was such a wonderful experience! Sweet Barbara watched Merian so my parents could come (they missed the 19-week ultrasound because of a screaming Merian). Here is the really good news:

1. Tyncy is weighing-in at about 5.5 lbs, give or take one pound. He or she is 33.4 weeks and measuring 34.1, so that's not bad! Totally normal!

2. Tyncy has HAIR! We could see it on the ultrasound!! I think it's even more than fuzz, but not quite Hannah Wentling status.

3. He or she looks just like Merian - chubby cheeks, chin, nose, and Andy's five-head.

4. One of the coolest things I've ever seen - we got to watch Tyncy 'practice' breathing. We could see the little lungs expanding and contracting. The baby doesn't breathe the amniotic fluid, but as a sign of well-developing lungs, starts to 'work-out' the lungs to get ready for breathing! That can only be a GOD THING. He just starts those little lungs a'working! So amazing!

And...the bad news:

Tyncy is "Frank Breech" (why do they call it Frank?). He or she is bum first, with toes and fingers wiggling in front of his/her face. We have about two weeks before we reach the "they typically don't change position from this point on" point. So, PLEASE PRAY that little Tyncy will decide to turn and be a good baby! I have plenty of amniotic fluid and room, so...there is a possibility.

Sharing in Thanks

2010-03-17T09:15:00.000-07:00

Mr. Weinberg made the point at a Wednesday sharing night that we should share of the goodness of God - He's been doing some wonderful things lately, and I'm very thankful! So, here's some sharing:

Our 12-year-old washing machine, after many fixes, has died. On one hand, this conveniently happened right after a massive, fantastic sale at a great appliance place. On the other, it happened the day a $100 nation-wide rebate went into effect, and my father "just happened" to find a top-of-the-line Maytag Steam Washer for less than cost. That, plus the rebates and a great home-owner's policy and others' generosity, means we'll payed about $125 for a new washer that retails for over $1,200.
I accidentally over drafted our account to the tune of $130 dollars a few weeks ago. It was totally my fault - but, the nice lady at the bank reversed half the charges, and then a random check from EvCC's Teacher Union arrived in the mail to cover the rest. He is gracious even with our stupid mistakes!
We never received a bill for Andy's anesthesia services from last October's appendix trauma, though we did get an explanation of benefits from the insurance - they sent a $600 check to us towards the $1800 bill, but still showed a $1200 balance we would need to pay for the out-of-network provider. Lo and behold, the bill finally arrived today - and they discounted the $1200 and we only owe the $600 check the insurance initially sent us!! That means we don't have to pay any out-of-pocket for an $1800 bill.
I've been feeling good, and all my numbers except my fasting blood-sugar have been well under control with diet changes. I am now on medicine two-times a day, but that's not horrible. I also feel better - though I love carbs, I'm not sure my body loves them, and I just feel more healthy and energetic. My fasting blood-sugar is still a little high, even with the medicine, so prayer needed on that front!
I finished my last official day of class - perhaps for a long time, and at least until late September. I have a wonderful, flexible, rewarding job and a gracious Grandma and Grandpa who willingly watch Merian. It's a fantastic situation, but I love being home and sleeping in just a little.
Andy has been getting enough hours at work - and even a little over-time! And, he has a day off tomorrow, which will allow him to fix some things around the farm and work on Tyncy projects, which is a massive blessing to me, as I can't do those things right now.

God has been answering our prayers in so many ways. I feel like He's showing me His faithfulness in the small things (like washing machines) to remind me He'll take care of the future, larger, more looming 'problems.'

A Carb By Any Other Name Would Still Smell As Sweet

2010-03-10T15:13:00.000-08:00

Just a brief update on the Diabetes front. I had diabetic counseling today, and it was an encouragement. When I first heard the diabetes's news, I was crushed that my lack of self-control or weight issues might have caused this disease that will potentially affect Tyncy both as an inside and outside baby. It was comforting to hear that, though weight does influence things, it's more genetic pre-disposition + risk factors + pregnancy hormones.

To summarize the appointment, I have to monitor my blood-sugar four times a day (for now) and reduce my carbohydrate intake. The nice nutritionist showed me how to test my blood-sugar, and as she pulls out the smallest little needle I've ever seen, asks me if I'm going to be okay. Nice Lady, I have birthed a child. What's a little needle to me? The discussion of carbohydrates was more painful and traumatizing than that blasted needle. When given the choice between a candy bar and a bowl of pasta, I will always take the pasta. Good, Italian, Carb-loaded food wins over any other food on the planet. Thankfully, I can still have up to 14 'carb-servings' a day, so it's not the end of the world (though the skies rolling back any time now would be fantastic. I can't wait for Heaven's version of cheesecake).

But, how good is God?! All my years of learning how to read nutritional labels, measure food, and monitor carbohydrate intake via South Beach or Atkins or Weight Watchers have all helped prepare me for something that matters - my sweet Tyncy! I know good proteins, I understand how to cook and be creative on a limited carb-allowance, and that's fantastic! Not so fantastic is that low-carb diets cost more money, but as I drove home and saw a beautiful rainbow above Smokey Point, I was reminded that God cares for us and *always* keeps His promises. I think my insurance will even cover the diabetic testing supplies!

It seems food and exercise and nutrition will always be in my life. That little Leila chunk in Weight Watchers in the fourth grade will never quite escape the need to monitor dietary choices. I must discover an aerobic activity that doesn't make me want to poke out my eye (running, anyone?). This all used to upset me as I watched the pretty-perfect-people (so I called them) eat whatever they wanted. But, this keeps me humble, and it keeps me dependent. I need that. So, please keep praying. If my blood sugar isn't controlled by diet changes, I might need to start medication. If Tyncy responds well, awesome, but if he or she starts having a huge growth spurt, we'll begin exploring induction/C-section stuff further down the road. My prayer is for a healthy baby, delivered naturally, but ultimately I want God's glory to radiate - like a cosmic plate of wood-fired pizza.

I Want Some Stew

2010-02-11T19:25:00.000-08:00

It's somewhat inevitable that when you spend a year studying trials and the importance of living on unseen things that God will bring some trials into your life. Andy has been unemployed for about a month now, which has enabled him to bond with Merian, do some substitute teaching, and attend SR10 - all wonderful blessings. But right now, as we run ahead without knowing where the next footfall will land, the path seems dark. Andy is discouraged, and neither of us knows what's around the bend. Please pray that God would be gracious to reveal His plan, at least in part - to direct us to the right doors, even if they need some pounding to open.

I lapse into my Rachel-tendencies of meddling and helping God as best I can - I start chopping some tomatoes and worrying about browning meat. After all, I need to make some stew. It's no coincidence that I currently don't have an online Spring class and I can't help by picking up some other job because Tyncy is due mid-May. God has taken away my knife, my vegetables, and my chuck roast - He's telling me to sit and trust. Run, fight...and wait. I need some lessons from Mary, I suppose. And Job. Every day. And then you die.

I'm so frustrated by my lack of faith. I am surrounded by momentous miracles and small miracles - I just watched a dear family adopt a child in a process that took SIX MONTHS. I heard about every tiny detail that fell perfectly into place. I met my sweet friend-that's-closer-than-a-sister and saw her baby girl! After multiple miscarriages and seemingly little chance of having another child, God has given her a baby girl! And Andy got a full refund for not being able to attend Shepherd's Conference. Big things and little things - I imagine God just smiling and shaking his head at me as He takes away my stew pot...again.

I have no idea how bills will get paid, where God is taking Andy, or what jobs and babies will look like. How do you run fiercely ahead without knowing what's below your feet, or where the course is going? Faith. God's promises pave a smoothly tumultuous road. They guarantee some stretching and jostling, but no falls, broken bones, or exhaustion. It's such a mystery - may the mystery result in glorification and not fear.

Thanksgiving

2010-01-08T20:03:00.000-08:00

This is just a quick 'thank you' for all your prayers for us. I have felt burdened about God's provision in our lives, Priceless Granite, teaching, how to deal with a second child, etc. Many things are up in the air still, but it seems like He is moving in amazing and surprising ways to provide beyond what we need.

One of the most "impossible" things (from my perspective) I am asking of God is the ability to be a stay-at-home Mom once Baby Bowers #2 enters the world. As I've told Andy, I'm not sure what form my 'Merchant Ships' of Proverbs 31 will take over the years - perhaps I will always teach in some capacity. But as I've seen God working, and realized all the things He has been doing all along, I am so humbled and thankful and astounded at His great care for me when my faith is so small.

As I struggled to keep my foggy, weak, sick head focused on the road Monday morning while driving in for my first 8am class since having Merian (a long story as to why I have said class), I realized - I need this reminder constantly - how utterly dependent I am. I could not have survived that day without your prayers and His grace. And every day is like that! It doesn't matter if I'm sick or completely healthy. Though seemingly self-sufficient most of the time, I am *always* that needy.

Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. Please keep praying. The journey is hard and always unknown, but not with His mighty strength. How gracious He is to us.

Raising My Postmodern Hackles

2009-12-20T08:13:00.000-08:00

Many posts swirling about in my head - one I shared with my Jr. High Girls the other night. A good friend through high school and college recently posted this quote to his Facebook status: "If the truth of the postmodern era is that meaning is made rather than found, then we are all at the mercy of those who would dare to be storytellers." I can let many things go, but Postmodernism gets me a-growling. I quipped in response, "isn't it great we have the awesome, ultimate, Sovereign storyteller?" As a bit of background, this individual and I did ministry together - we even co-lead a Bible Study. Imagine my sadness when, after a few comments back and forth, he wrote this:

"I think I understand where you're coming from and I would love it if it worked that way, I just don't think that it does. Or, to put it another way, I agree with you that there is one truth in the sense that there's one reality. But I disagree that there's one "right" understanding of that reality ... I disagree with the idea that there's one interpretation of Christianity because it stifles our creativity (a key part of humanity) and leaves us no room to question the beliefs we currently hold. Experimenting with different ways to describe and practice our faith gives us a chance to shed old wineskins when necessary - something the Pharisees were, by their worldview, unable to do. It was only those Pharisees who were open to a rephrasing of Judaism who were able to listen well to Jesus."

I don't think he would mind if I quoted him or criticized his statement. He knows me well enough to understanding my growling tendencies, and for all the years I have prayed for and with him, this breaks my heart. He was always wary of what he called the "quadrinity" - the Father, Son, Holy Spirit, and Bible. For awhile I understood where he was coming from, but now it's ludicrous to me. As evidenced from his misuse of the Pharisees and wineskin illustration, it is a fundamental, flawed lack of right knowledge. It is pride - a laziness to grapple with the entirety of the Word and to *believe* it. Without the anchor of Scripture, we will be tossed to and fro and seduced by the fancy words of the postmodern era and the appeal of relativity. I knew the possibility was there - now I see his ship far from land and dangerously situated amongst deadly rocks.

How do you respond to this? How do you pray for them? In response to his claims I pointed out that 1). If God is ultimate truth and reality, that certainly doesn't stifle His creativity, and 2). Jesus condemned the Pharisees not because they couldn't 're-interpret' Judaism, but because they had reinterpreted the original Law according to their imaginations and view of truth. I received no response. Funny that. Truth takes the match.

But as I was happily going about, content in my knowledge, I was convicted by my reading in 2 Kings when Ahaziah (I believe) refashions the temple according to what he wants - he moves around altars, changes entrances, and does some redecorating. How blasphemous! How horrific! No wonder God brought judgement. Then it rocked me that that is what we do - it's what my friend is doing, and it is certainly what I have done. We refashion Christianity into what we want when we refuse to submit to His word. We want to feel more comfortable - we want it to be easy and mimic the world around us. How foolish we are. How terrified I am for what God will say to this generation of believers. How excited I am for the possibility of another Josiah, or Luther, to come and tear down our false idols and paganized worship. Ultimately, may it not be a Hezekiah or Calvin, but Christ Himself riding on the clouds.

Loving Punching

2009-11-11T15:37:00.000-08:00

I've done a fair bit of Bible-beating in my time. I'm sure this is shocking, but I took on high school teachers, friends, college classmates, co-workers, pagans, Christians (I use that term very loosely), college professors, etc. Most friends groaned when they learned I was taking a "Structure of Argument" class in college. One co-worker told me he hated me and would never speak to me again, which held true for the three or four months I remained at that job.

I have often prided myself in a pugnacious defense of my beliefs, but I must admit I have rarely fought with righteousness AND love. I more often volleyed off some witty sarcasm or scathing reply with an interest towards my own intelligence and understanding instead of a humble and passionate concern for that individual's soul. That realization has made me wary of discord - or perhaps it has made me more discerning of pigs and pearls, but regardless, I find myself fluctuating between irrate pitbull and human doormat.

And so, I absoltuely loved the conclusion of Piper's Contending for Our All, the fourth book in his Swans Are Not Silent series. In the book he discusses Athanasius (seriously cool old guy), Jon Owen, and J. Gresham Machen (fascinating if you've studied modernism), but he pulls them together with some quoting from Francis Schaeffer, one of my favorite people. I love the way Schaeffer views controversy, especially among Christians:

Before a watching world, an observable love in the midst of difference will show a difference between Christians' differences and other people's differences...when everything is going well and we are standing around in a nice little circle, there is not much to be seen by the world. But when we come to the place where there is real difference, and we exhibit uncompromised principles but at the same time observable love, then there is something that the world can see.

Schaeffer called controversy among Christians "our golden opportunity." Much like our God-given ability to respond to trials and suffering with rejoicing, a mark of our love of Christ is not bullying others nor holding hands and humming. Instead, we must tear down every human institution and folly that is contrary to God - *but our tearing down must look different than the world's.* Our debates shouldn't look like pagan debates. Our refuting should not be snide, proud, or boastful. True unity flows from truth (James 3:17) - unity is not achieved by displacing truth. Accordingly, may we fight in a shockingly different way from the world. I pray that I will learn to throw hard, solid, pure, loving punches. I pray we will achieve that balance so difficult to find in this present darkness, because it's growing darker, and we need some valiant soldiers.

Adoption Musings

2009-10-16T15:51:00.001-07:00

I'm slowly reading through a book called Adopted For Life by Russell Moore. It's pretty good, and that paired with Chuck and Teresa Weinberg's recent visit to Ethiopia has put adoption more and more on my heart.

Most people know that I was adopted at birth, though some are surprised because I 'fit' so well into my family. I have amazing parents - most kids take that for granted, but when you're adopted, it hits particularly hard that, though it's true of all of us, you could have ended up with anyone. My birth mother was sixteen, and her parents wanted her to keep me and they planned to help raise me. She, however, wanted her child to have a stable family with a father and mother. I have no real desire to meet either of my birth parents (perhaps I will post more on that later), but I wish I could send one letter to her thanking her for her courage and sacrifice.

One important point that Moore makes early in his book that I wanted to pass along here is this: I beg you to never ever ask an adopted person who his or her real parents are. You mean biological parents - how does their one-night fling make them "real" parents? Without realizing it you're falling into so many contemporary Western ideas of family and children that are SO WRONG. I can't tell you how many conversations I've had along these lines:

"Wow, you're adopted? Have you ever met your real parents?"
"No, I have never met my biological parents."
"But, don't you want to know who your real parents are?"
(When I am in a particularly good mood):
"No, I have no desire to meet my random DNA providers. However, my REAL parents are right here if you would like to talk to them."

Asking someone about their "real" (i.e. biological) parents is like asking a Christian, "so, what about Satan? Don't you want to meet him?" Just like we are fully adopted in Christ and no longer slaves to unrighteousness or a child of the Devil, so when you adopt a child that child is totally yours. Not extended babysitting. Not an extra cousin. It's instant, like your entrance into the family of the High King upon your conversion and salvation.

I think people are naturally fascinated with adoption (it is amazing!), but be careful with your curiosity. People feel open asking adopted kids and parents the most intimate things they wouldn't ask "normal" families. Please show grace, and never ever ever ever ask someone about their real parents, unless you're talking about their real parents - you know, the ones that have raised, clothed, disciplined, instructed, encouraged, housed, and fed them.

Puddleglum is My Hero

2009-09-17T13:53:00.000-07:00

Existentialism bores me, and relativism is so lame. I discovered early in high school that the good and evil question got every one, every time. Let them preach about culturally determined standards or Freudian fear of punishment, but whenever I asked them if it was right or wrong for me to shoot their girlfriend of boyfriend in the head for no reason, they always said it was wrong. Why? Because it is. Typically the conversation shut down at this point, as they had no answer and I was smug. The true existentialist or relativist (I've only met one, and he wears a cape), probably wouldn't care, but I wonder what he or she would say if the gun were pointing at them?

Anyway, here is an excellent quote from Nate Wilson that just makes me smile (it's so much better if you know who Puddleglum is):

If there is such a thing as beautiful, a such a thing as good, or even such a thing as bad, then there is a transcendent standard that determines which is which. An atheist can say that society prefers mothers to murderers, but he cannot say that is as it should be. Tell us what is...but without God, you cannot tell us what ought to be.

If the world really is accidental and devoid of meaning, and you and I have no more value in the cosmos than your average bread mold, and Beauty and Goodness are artificial constructs imagined within an explosion, constructs that are controlled by chemical reactions within the accident and have no necessary correspondence to reality, then my made-up children's world licks your real world silly. Depart from me. Go drown in your seething accident. Puddleglum and I are staying here.

Lewis' The Silver Chair (where we first meet Puddleglum: one of the greatest literary characters ever) is all about reality: What is real? How do you determine it? I'm thrilled to be a part of a planned, glorious story full of snowflakes, autumn leaves, baby snot, and a sense of touch. The story could have been written any way, and your story could have been anything, but aren't you happy for absolutes and an absolutely good Author?

Quarky Matters

2009-08-24T20:58:00.000-07:00

I don't understand anti-matter. It could be my very right-sided brain is entirely incapable, like it can't wrap itself around how light and water make acorn squash or pelicans get off the ground. But, in a rare appearance of solid logic, I don't understand anti-matter because the word is an oxymoron. Matter is substance - you cannot not have substance and then say it exists. Doesn't everything that exists have matter, except perhaps God? Aren't we into some laws of thermodynamics (which include things like whatever line you get in at the supermarket will promptly become the slowest moving).

So, I fight against anti-matter, though I have no comprehension of the theory and am simply annoyed with it on a linguistic level. But as I was reading N.D. Wilson's Notes from the Tilt-A-Whirl (wonderfully random grit), his answer to the question "what is the world made of?" rocked my tilt-a-whirl. He goes into a discussion of quarks, elements, and anti-turtles, but at the end states this:

"Words, magic words. Word spoken by the Infinite, words so potent, spoken by One so potent that they have weight and mass and flavor. They are real...In the Christian story, the world came into existence at the point of speech, and that speech was ex nihilo, from nothing.

My quarks are standing because they're obedient. They've been told to by a Voice they can't disobey"

The World is ultimately made of words spoken by a creative, joyous, awesome, infinite Creator. Beyond the periodic table, fire, air, water, atoms, molecules, electrons, quarks, and even anti-matter, are God's words. My body is not held together by a balance between electronic charges but by God's words. That is just so cool.

Charred Mutton

2009-07-21T13:32:00.000-07:00

We live in a world of knee-jerks and pendulum swings. History is defined by it - in response to the harsh, logical rationalism of the Enlightenment (or, as my Father taught me to call it, the Endarkenment) arose Romanticism, a philosophy of emotion, the sublime, and natural beauty. Monarchy didn't work, so we tried democracy. That didn't work, so we tried socialism. The list goes on.

We all knee-jerk against things, and the Church is no exception. I fear our Reformed community, in its proper emphasis on truth, doctrine, and teaching, and its hatred of the dark, frivilous, and evil entertainments that have seeped into the Evangelical world, have knee-jerked incorrectly against the arts. We distrust beauty, trappings, and decorations, which is fair, but in that have we stripped God's mighty, eternal story of its beauty?

A good friend has encouraged me to read Credenda Agenda for about five years now, and I finally have. I appreciate the Wilsons' balanced approach to aesthetics and truth, for as Doug Wilson puts it in speaking of C.S. Lewis, "more beauty in wordsmithing does not lessen the amount of truth that words carry, but rather increases it drastically...a pearl necklace on a beautiful woman is not extraneous."

I agree with Wilson that I would rather read The Chronicles of Narnia than a dry book on orthodoxy, though I also understand my husband's point that the Chronicles are only as powerful as the truth they convey, and that truth is contained in Scripture and expounded upon within said dusty books.

It is all a balance, but I fear we lose some of the awesome, imaginative, mythic scope of God and His creation when we, as Nate Wilson puts it in the same issue, "take reality and put it in a large pot, boil all the meat off, and then burn the bones. We then hold up the charred remains of a skeleton for the world to see and believe in." He goes on to point out Lewis put meat on those bones and heartily enjoyed the roast. He gave form to truth - the Chronicles of Narnia do not discuss the facets of the resurrection, they show it. We do not get a lengthy discussion of the balance between Freedom and Sovereignty, but we watch and peacefully understand two mind-bending truths as Jill faces Aslan across the stream. It is part of Lewis' power: as Nate also says, "C.S. Lewis built on his [foundations]. We have our hatchet from behind the lectern, arguing cogently that it is sharper than our opponent's. Lewis crosses the stage and lops a head or two."

May we be a people who love our truth well roasted and seasoned and enjoy the imaginative capacity God has given us while rooting it in His ultimate truth. May we use our foundations effectively, not just talking about them but living them and fighting with them. As Doug Wilson ends his article, "a man who is called to the use of words, as ministers are, and who ignores the aethetic aspect of them in order to concentrate on 'truth,' is actually at war with the truth."

Theology Question (II)

2009-06-11T20:48:00.000-07:00

With Wedding season upon us (I think we are at five for the year, with a few more possibly on the way), I've been thinking about ceremonies, love, and lasting relationships. It prompted this question:

You often hear in evangelical circles, songs, and conversations that we need to recapture the fire of our 'first love' for Christ. We are admonished to try and reclaim the passion and excitement we first had when newly saved.

It's like believing couples should always remain in the honeymoon stage, driven by thrills, exhilaration, newness, and emotionalism.

But isn't that wrong? There is certainly a place for freshness and fire in any relationship at any time, but isn't our desire for deeper, more mature, more solid, more stable love? Shouldn't the same be true for our love of God? Instead of 'lighting the fire in my soul again,' shouldn't we pray for and seek a love like the best aged wine, with fullness and solidity - that isn't swayed by every whim of feeling, but holds a firm and straight course?

Pressing Theology Question (the First)

2009-05-07T20:51:00.000-07:00

A few theology monkeys have been swinging about while I deep-cleaned our carpets today. What do you all think?

Situation:
A young lady desires to be married and have a family, but God has not brought along the right man yet.

Does that mean God will *either* bring a wonderful man along at some point in the future or change her heart towards singleness -

OR

Is it possible the young women can/would desire to be married her entire life, yet never marry?

I have always believed that God gives us sweet gifts and the desires of our heart, or He changes those desires according to His will. Would a woman (or man) long for marriage, while praying and serving and giving that longing to the Lord, his or her entire life and yet not get married?

Kiss The Girl...But Not Yet!

2009-04-23T15:44:00.000-07:00

This post is just to set the record straight.

I was encouraging our Jr. High Girls the other night to fight for purity in light of a recent sermon on relationships. Perhaps it was too much information, but I know what it's like to be a Jr. High girl with Hollywood visions of weddings and kisses and honeymoons, so I assured them that:

It's a really hard fight. If you want to stay pure in your thoughts, emotions, and actions in courtship, few things will ever be as hard for you (I'm talking chub kid who hasn't run more than ten feet in her life trying out for the UW Crew Team kind of hard). The more you love that man, the more challenging it will be. No matter what track you take - dating, courtship, whatever - it's all a result of the Fall. In the garden God delivered Eve to Adam and the marriage began! Though many young women wish that still happened, the best and most godly of roads are the hardest to travel. You have to wrangle wayward, obstinate thoughts; saturate yourself in the Word; seek real accountability; stay out of compromising situations (just sitting in the car alone together is challenging!); and pray pray pray. Even then you might stumble, but God's way is the RIGHT way and TOTALLY worth it.

Your Wedding might not be the "best" day of your life. Now, it is amazing, but it is also weighty. It is not a carefree fashion party. If you do this marriage thing right, you will have at least one moment of 'oh my goodness, I am making a covenant before God for LIFE. That's a long time. What am I doing?!' followed by, 'I love this man and God is good and in control.' You will wonder if you have lipstick on your teeth, if you smell, how many people are coming, if you will pass out, what he will think of your dress, did the flowers arrive...? You might not find the rings, it could rain until one hour before your outdoor wedding - you might have a zit on your chin. And it's all okay. It's about praising a glorious God who wrote your love story, not the color coordination of your centerpieces.

Now, Andy and I waited until the altar for our first kiss, and here comes setting the story straight. I told the girls it was an awkward, strange moment. And it was, but I'm a head case. It was also sweet and right. I'm so glad we waited. That moment should be all about a goal raced after and a prize fought for. It should testify to the world that now this is utterly glorifying to God! Who cares if it was awkward? It was also thrilling. Who cares if I had no idea what I was doing? God did and does!

I encourage you all to fight. Maybe it's in your thoughts and visions as a young woman who dreams of her wedding. Maybe it's in your actions within a relationship. Maybe it's as a married woman delighting in the unique and perfectly-suited relationship God has given you. First kisses and honeymoons are awkward and strange and there's someone in your bed (and it might freak you out when you momentarily forget. But doing it God's way is always best, sweetest, and most joyful.

I love my husband. He's amazing and perfect for me. I appreciate him more and more each day, and the grace God shows in growing him and me. And it was a great first kiss.

Good Vampire = Oxymoron

2009-03-29T15:50:00.001-07:00

We all recognize that we must fight sin, fight against the lusts of the world, and fight to love Christ more. I fear many youth are failing, and one of the reasons is that despite their daily Bible reading, godly parents, involvement in the Church, and sound teaching, their world view is being shaped by this world. It is so subtle! A seemingly decent movie here, a quick summer read there, and all of a sudden Satan chips away at a Biblical perspective. In Craig Cabaniss' chapter in Mahaney's new book Wordliness, he quotes Ken Myers:

"I believe that the challenge of living with popular culture may well be as serious for modern Christians as persectuion and plagues were for the saints of earlier centuries...Enemies that come loudly and visible are usually much easier to fight than those that are undetectable."

This is specifically to parents: your children are under assault. They are being confronted, bombarded, and infiltrated with absolute lies. Can I plead with you to help them exercise discernment? Can I encourage you to sometimes say NO as you teach them how to view this world through "Bible glasses"? For example, it is certainly permissible to read Harry Potter, but I am convinced now, more than ever, it is not profitable. Let's put aside the books are full of sorcery and witchcraft. Let's forget Lewis' point that there has never been a GOOD witch - not in Homer, not in the Fairy Tales, not the White Witch, not the Maid of Alders - NONE OF THEM. So, ignoring that, let's view the other things supported by Harry Potter: Rebelling against parental authority, rebelling against school authority, subverting rules (and being rewarded), showing disrespect to elders, lust (snogging in the hallway), coveting (wanting someone else's snog partner), disobedience, self-righteous independence, relative good and evil, relative heroism...the list goes on.

I have not read the Twilight series, nor am I going to, but I know it also plays with pre-teen and teenage fascination with rebellion, good, evil, darkness, and lust. Listen, even if you just study vampires on Wikipedia you will realize they also have NEVER been good! They have always been connected with selfish fulfillment, sensuality, and dark taboos. NO WONDER the books appeal to teenagers! NO BETTER REASON to avoid them! I assume that, in making a vampire 'choose' goodness, we are in a post-modern-Harry-Potter world devoid of absolutes, where all sense of morality is based solely on individual choices to 'help other people' and bring peace to the world.

I plead with you as a woman who, in her formative years, got her hands on some "it's not so bad" type of books - but also read harmful, worldly books. Those damaged me, and I still deal with some of those images...there is a worldly residue that creeps into my goals or sense of satisfaction. Cabaniss later defines covetousness as "a desire for something or someone that God has not provided." Books like the Twilight series - popular music - sappy chick-flicks - they all spin a vision of a world that does not and cannot exist. They laud that happiness can be obtained by having a certain relationship, certain things - for godly young men and women, those false expectations WILL CAUSE challenges and struggles within marriages and families later on.

You can't necessarily stop your children from reading certain things - their hearts might be rebellious, and they will seek what they covet. BUT, you can be active, you can be alert - and you must! Their souls are in the balance - help them desire good things. Help them to read good things. Satan is so crafty and cunning - the things that lead us astray are so palatable. The reason young adults like reading filth is because it's entertaining, easy, and engaging. We need to get their lazy brains up off the couch and throw them on a treadmill. They need to read GOOD BOOKS. Next time they want the latest pop-culture-mac-and-cheese bestseller, make sure they have eaten all the steak in the house. Here's a good list to knock down:

THEIR BIBLE
A lot of books about their Bible
Biographies on MANY godly men and women

Pilgrim's Progress, any Charles Dickens, The Count of Monte Cristo, any Jane Austen novel, Les Miserables, Paradise Lost (this is a pack of steak from Costco), The Great Divorce, The Screwtape Letters, The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Lord of the Flies, Madeline L'Engle novels, Frankenstein , Beowulf, Dante, Shakespeare, Dostoevsky (for high school eaters). If they are into gothic, give them real (edifying) gothic like Wilkie Collins or Ann Radcliffe. And for some history, David Mucullough and Iain Murray.

I know I'm a bit odd, but I was sitting in the corner of the playground reading Sense and Sensibility in 6th grade. Get them reading good books and the tween junk loses its appeal. Get them listening to good music and the bad falls away. Fan that cup of zeal by keeping it out of ice.

Whirling Monkey Thoughts

2009-03-16T17:05:00.000-07:00

I think it is time for the Ode to be displaced. Much has been going on - the crazy whirling monkeys (as I have affectionately named my thoughts) daily cavort about my head. I'm realizing that peace does not come from killing the monkeys, though tempting, but in taking each monkey captive. God wired my brain to go in twelve directions at once, but that does not mean constant anxiety. How exactly I can wrangle these thoughts towards Christ is something I fear will take my entire life to learn, but I'm trying.

I have been thinking more about suffering and trials. I think it's a combination of the passing of Andrew Mark, a realization of my comfort and (seeming) self-sufficiency, and that in February much of Spurgeon's Morning and Evenings revolve around the topic. Here is one of my favorite quotes from him:

"Like Gideon's men, faith does not fret over the broken pitcher but rejoices that the lamp blazes forth all the more. Out of the rough oyster shell of difficulty, faith extracts the rare pearl of honor; from the deep ocean caves of distress, it uplifts the priceless coral of experience. When the flood of prosperity ebbs, faith finds treasures hidden in the sand; and when the sun of delight goes down, faith turns her telescope of hope to the starry promises of heaven."

Also, the story of Tyndale has been rattling about, and the story about Tyndale's story has begun writing itself in my brain. This is somewhat terrifying, because once I begin writing a story or essay in my head, it at some point needs to escape (to make room for more monkeys).

How does all of this tie together? One of the recent minor trials was losing a class for Spring Quarter (primarily through budget cuts) to a full-time professor. The irony is I had been talking with the professor I thought would take the class if her Literature class didn't fill. Quite sure I was fine because her class was filling up, I completely missed that my other class was also in jeopardy. It sums me up well - thinking I am in control and everything is going fine, all the while God is faithful to throw the switch and slam me onto another track. And it usually takes slamming - I am silly and stubborn and in need of the proverbial 2x4 to open my eyes and get me moving. Or get me stopped.

So, although the loss of income is never pleasant, the day I found out I only had one class there were more robins around than usual. I remembered a visiting missionary's sermon a few weeks back on how each of those birds is representative of God's promise to us - a symbol, if you will, of His marvelous care. Those robins were beautiful, and I am excited to have some extra time on my hands. Maybe I will actually start writing that "fictional biography" on Tyndale. Maybe the extra moments will get sucked into the time vortex. Hopefully it means more time for service and reading the AMAZING books my husband brought back from Shepherd's Conference. But, now that I've written this, I'm sure many will help hold me accountable. And I appreciate that - I need to quiet some of these creative primates.

An Ode To The Hybrid

2009-02-11T11:56:00.000-08:00

Dear ____________ Community College Administration,

As I was dashing about attempting to find a parking space yesterday, I spied some new reserved parking in the area outside of your newly completed, economic-friendly building. In the desperate hope you had actually added staff parking, I zipped merrily over only to discover you added about ten new reserved spots for hybrid vehicles. I truly must applaud you in your ongoing battle against our current Global Climate Crisis. You have obviously heeded our leading erudite politician and his masterful, award-winning film.

I do believe, however, that we are doing too little. I would like to propose a new, more stringent attack upon the evils of pollution and carbon foot-prints. Obviously, although hybrids do help our emissions issue (though only if you are driving in the city, which obviously the majority of us don't do because we live in the suburbs or the country, but that is beside the point), let me point out a greater culprit: the dairy cow. Multiple studies have shown that the gas emissions of dairy cows car far exceed those of an ordinary human being. Taking into account that leading industrial nations such as China and even England have no problem limiting the human population to save our planet, I have deduced we must share the burden by eliminating our bovine neighbors, regardless of the fact we have spent countless resources to try and save their close brother, the salmon. If we were to all become vegetarian, we would have no need of cows, and we could eliminate them entirely. I am confident the clearly documented and proven ozone hole would begin diminishing instantly.

Then, we must utilize the hides of said cows and fashion them into heavy clothing, as obviously the next step will be eliminating all home-heating systems, such as the atrocious wood-burning stove and slightly less, though equally despicable, natural gas furnace. We would also, unfortunately, need to eradicate the now booming wolf population for their coats, which are comprised of hollow hair shafts. This, paired with the cow hides, could be fashioned into clothing to provide warmth through the cold winter months.

I believe these are some good steps beyond what you have done with the current hybrid parking spaces. I might also include outlawing Hummers and out-sourcing them to Eastern European nations in an effort to pay for the new stimulus package, and potty training infants from birth so as to eliminate diapers (we must establish a state agency to govern and enforce this, however, which might raise taxes slightly). The next stage would be to cease driving altogether, as horses produce far less methane than cows and cars, and thus are ideal transportation vehicles.

I sincerely thank you for your time and your shared ego-centric belief that we can actually change the climate of an entire planet and solve a problem that might not even exist.

The Professor

Feminine Appeal (Part 1)

2009-01-10T09:39:00.000-08:00

I'm in the middle of Carolyn Mahaney's Feminine Appeal - so begins my quest this year to dig into what it means to be a godly mother, wife, and friend (and hopefully grow and be convicted in the process).

Carolyn's chapter on the "Delight of Loving My Husband" really resonated with me. She references Titus 2 (it's what the entire book revolves around), where Paul dictates in 2:4 that women are to phileo (enjoy, be friends with) their husbands and their children. It has been more difficult to enjoy Andy lately simply because he has worked long hours and our communication seems disjointed, like two puzzle pieces not quite fitting together. Yet, I am enjoying Merian more and more each day, and it's a delight to see her smiling face in the morning and hear her laughter and watch her learn so much each day (I know it helps that she is such a happy baby). Now, I have only known Merian seven months, and that little will is only beginning to emerge. Let's be honest, she can't even say "no" yet. I have known Andy about six years now, and he can say much more than "no" and has great strengths and weaknesses that I know intimately. Just like the honeymoon phase in marriage changes, so too will there be days I do *not* enjoy Merian. Though right now it seems utterly bizarre to me that young wives must be taught to enjoy their children, I thought the same thing in the midst of my courtship with Andy - how can enjoying him take work?!

BUT, we are supposed to enjoy them all every day! We need to enter the school of love! Husbands are a blessing, children are a reward, and if we spend our days begrudgingly throwing laundry in the washer and run about like a frazzled chicken, we are missing the point and the joy. What hit me most here was Mahaney's contrast of phileo and agape love. We as women are very good at serving - Mahaney quotes Doug Wilson observing, "women are fully capable of loving a man, and sacrificing for him, while believing the entire time that he is a true and unvarnished jerk. Women are good at this kind of love." That hits close to home! I am far more Martha than Mary.

We must remember it is SIN that destroys tender, enjoyable love. Mahaney says she began to respond with bitterness and resentment to little things she didn't mind while she and CJ were courting - and "consequently, my tender feelings evaporated." Instead of turning a critical eye, voice, and thought on our husbands, "if we find our affection for our husband is waning or has subsided altogether, then we do not need to look any further than our own hearts." Oh, how easy it is to think if only we prayed together more as a couple, or he left me little notes, I would feel more love for him! That's probably true, but our love should never be contingent on our husband's actions. He could be the biggest brute in the world and we could phileo him in the power of the Holy Spirit.

So, my action plan consists of:
1). Fostering humility (and much more prayer). This is one of my New Year's Resolutions - to pursue humility. On one hand this terrifies me, because I have seen how faithfully God answered prayers in the past for brokeness and a realization of my sinfulness. But, if I am humble, I will be quick to recognize my fault in a situation and quick to see the positive in Andy. This will, hopefully, keep me from the harpy, critical thoughts I so quickly err towards.

2). Think tender thoughts. If Andy collapses on the couch after a long day and turns on Basketball (highly unlikely, though it may be), I need to appreciate his hard work, his enjoyment of basketball, and seek to help him rest. I must take any other harsh judgement or annoyance captive.

Our marriages should be marked by joyful, energetic, grounded love! There is nothing biblical about a marriage whose honeymoon phase has faded into mechanical, rusty, day-to-day routine. Yes, love will change - our relationship with our husbands should grow and morph as our relationship with Christ grows. But the love should get sweeter, deeper, and more informed. It should not putter out into a whine of complacency.

Recipe Share!

2008-12-18T21:00:00.000-08:00

When one has twenty-two inches of snow outside, it often results in baking and cooking extravaganzas. My mom made an amazing soup today, and we were discussing how nutritious, easy, and cost-effective it was. This soup is packed with protein and simple - and, we figured about $1.00 a serving, which is cheaper than canned soup. In our continued quest to take good care of our homes and families, I thought I would share this really, really good recipe:

Rosemary White Bean Soup (you can easily double this)
1 pound dried white cannellini beans (bulk food/co-op)
4 cups sliced yellow onions (3 cups worth)
1/4 cup olive oil
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 large branch fresh rosemary (6-7 inches)
2 Quarts chicken stock
1 bay leaf
2 teaspoons kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Soak the beans (cover by at least 1-inch) in the refrigerator for six hours or overnight. Drain.

In a large stockpot over low to medium heat, saute the onions with the olive oil until the onions are translucent (10-15 minutes). Add the garlic and cook over low heat for three more minutes. Add the drained white beans, rosemary, chicken stock, and bay leaf. Cover, bring to a boil, and simmer for 30 to 40 minutes until the beans are very soft. Remove the rosemary branch and bay leaf. Pass soup through food mill or cuisinart w/steel blade. Return to pot, add salt and pepper to taste, and add chicken stock to thin as desired.

Whistle While You Work

2008-12-10T14:42:00.000-08:00

There is a lot that whirls around in my head on a daily basis - most of it is focused, sadly, on myself, and it's never good when I get stuck in my brain for any amount of time.

Some of the whirling content has included Zimmer's teaching on Colossians. It has been a fantastic bit of humbling, and it has inspired me to tackle The Excellent Wife and Feminine Appeal some time in the near future. It has also caused me to ponder work/teaching/raising Merian/college. It can be so mucky trying to decipher preference and doctrine on some of these points, but I think Andy and I have concluded the following (stay with me, it's a round-about sort of conclusion).

Is there any scripture saying boys should play sports (or girls for that matter)? No, there isn't. Now, in the right parental hands most see sports as a means of teaching excellent biblical virtues like hard work, leadership, responsibility, humility, etc. However, I could also argue that playing sports is a poor means of teaching these things, as men especially should hone such character elements through hard physical labor on a farm where there is no 'reward.' The emphasis is on service, family, and dominion-taking versus a game with no real service, no focus on family, a great potential for pride and sin (at least there was for me), and no actual 'dominion-taking' (as the only lasting thing you get from winning a game is perhaps a trophy, aka dust collector). It comes down to a preference issue, with parents deciding if sports are a good means of making their child more like Christ.

I believe college falls into that same category. College can be a tool to grow responsibility, godliness, time management, etc. in young women (and men). Not only that, it does equip for a life of singleness and, I'll admit, it's just FUN. Is it necessary for these things? Certainly not - no more than sports are essential for making boys into men. Can it be abused? People can argue - rightly - that college often leads women to focus on themselves/careers, buck submission, and be selfishly independent. Similarly, sports can take your time from ministry, focus attention on yourself, or easily become an idol. Does that mean sports are evil and no good Christian should play them? No. Does it mean college is evil for women and no young lady should ever attend? No. But, and this is different than how I've felt in the past, it also means that not every girl should attend college, just as not every young person needs to play a sport.

Before college, during college, and after college, should the attention be on older women teaching the younger? Absolutely, and though I had often assumed I would go back to teaching once our kids were grown-up, I determined after Zimmer's messages that I want to dedicate my time as an "older woman" to investing in young married women.

I will admit I often feel like a 'man' stuck in a female body. I wonder why God gave me a love of learning, or the ability to teach, when none of those things are "necessary" for being a godly mother or wife. Why do I get e-mails and comments from students saying I'm a good teacher, or I've impacted them like no one else, if I'm not really meant to teach? I love my job, but I love my family more, and I will (gladly) admit my teaching has suffered since having Merian. My brain isn't engaged like it used to be - I don't take extra time to study/read journals/etc. And that's okay. Perhaps it's a fault of college/working, but as the season of teaching (hopefully) nears a close in the next year or two, I will miss it. I love it. But I'm trusting that God has given me whatever gifts/drives/desires to invest in His Church and the children He has given us. I don't know how He will use the experiences and talents He has given me, but that's not my job to pragmatically figure out.

Terrifying Goodness

2008-12-03T14:59:00.000-08:00

As we come to the close of another year, sometimes I just study Merian’s face and feel overwhelmed with blessing – and that’s just the heap of blessing contained in the creation and sustenance of her little soul. When I begin to then ponder the things God has given us, and then His incredible love, power, sovereignty, and His free gift of eternal life in Christ, it almost terrifies me.

Oddly, in the midst of such blessing, I find myself fearful. I am afraid that there is simply too much - Andy's great job, health, provision, house, daughter, food, many luxuries I think are needs - and that something must give. It's not that I feel spiritually dry and in need to drastic breaking, but I fear I get too much pleasure from the blessing and not enough pleasure from the Blesser. Those moments when I just look at Merian are sometimes interrupted by a stifling fear that God will take her from me, or me from her.

Yet, as Zimmer reminded us on Sunday, God is simply not like that. I was listening to a Piper sermon on George Mueller the other day, and in it he quoted Mueller during the eulogy Mueller gave after his first wife died of rheumatic fever. Mueller said something along the lines of, "I prayed to God and said, 'if it be your will to heal her, then that is the best for me, but if you do not choose to heal her, than that is the best thing for me.'" That floored me - what a tremendous faith that takes God at His precious Word.

I must tell myself I am simply passing through - this is all God's and He has given me stewardship of it for a time - and I keep repeating to myself that GOD IS GOOD and perfect love drives out fear. It's funny, though I believe God is sovereign, powerful, merciful, just, and loving, it seems the nagging chink and doubt in the armor is often about His goodness. I should take some of my own advice and listen to my favorite quote of the Chronicles of Narnia: "course he isn't safe, but he is good."

Happy Half-Birthday Merian!

2008-11-21T20:13:00.000-08:00

Starting at the Beginning of Politics

2008-11-05T10:17:00.000-08:00

I have to admit that today I'm grieved. It's not so much that the Antichrist might have just risen to power (because that means Jesus is coming!), nor the fact I live in a society where idolatry of self runs rampant and we vault personal rights over human life. I believe that God has given us over to depraved minds and lawlessness. I think, just as He did with Israel, we are reaping what we have sowed and He is giving us exactly what we demanded in our new 'king.'

It was so encouraging this morning to read Psalm 33 and realize, in light of "starting at the beginning," that you cannot disentangle God's sovereignty in creation from His work in History. Psalm 33 states:

By the word of the LORD the heavens were made,
and all the host of them by the breath of His mouth.
He gathers the waters of the sea together as a heap;
He lays up the deep in storehouses.

Let all the earth fear the LORD;
Let all the inahbitants of the world stand in awe of Him.
For He spoke, and it was done;
He commanded, and it stood fast.

[SO THEN - DON'T FORGET]

The LORD brings the counsel of the nations to nothing...the counsel of the Lord stands forever, the plans of His heart to all generations (Ps 33:6-11).

To understand politics correctly, you must start at the beginning. Watching The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe last night in class reminded me the battle is already won, even when seemingly outnumbered and hopeless, and Christ will come again in power, might, and majesty. And as I got home and stared up at the stars on a crisp November 4th, I was reminded that He hung those stars and he keeps those galaxies in place. He did it with a mere word, and does the same thing with history. Therefore, perhaps we can mourn for our Nation and what this election reveals about our hearts, wisdom, and discernment - but more than mourning, we can rejoice and "bless the LORD at all times" (Ps 34:1) because this is all moving towards a glorious end.

I Don't Want to be Susan

2008-10-24T10:13:00.000-07:00

My English 97 class is reading The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Usually, for our first discussion, I put the children's names on the board and ask for descriptions of their characters. Lucy is everything good, Edmund everything bad, and Peter the leader, which among other things means he is brave and adventurous. Poor Susan always, and perhaps rightly so, gets the tag of being not only the mother but a realistic nag and kill-joy. Though Susan does meet with a pretty awful fate in the Last Battle, I've never thought Lewis was condemning her realistic or prudent tendencies. Her fault comes in abandoning child-like faith for worldliness, with a warning that those inclined towards being cautious and "logical" have a greater tendency towards embracing the seen versus the unseen.

Anyway, for the first time (perhaps because I'm now a mother) I realized how synonymous "nag," or "kill-joy" are with "mom." Why is this? Is it because we are inclined towards nagging and scolding? Mrs. Green gave us some wonderful books at Merian's shower, and I'm currently reading one by Lou Priolo called Teach Them Diligently. In it, he quotes H. Clay Tumbull on scolding:

"The word itself seems to have a primary meaning akin to that of barking or howling. Scolding is always an expression of a bad spirit and of a loss of temper...scolding is never in order. If the parent is tempted to speak rapidly, or to multiply words without stopping to weigh them, or to show an excited state of feeling, the parent's first duty is to gain entire self-control."

Ouch. I always want to be Lucy, but I know I'm Susan, and I am aware (and it scares me) of my tendencies towards being overly cautious and obnoxious. As I have begun to think more about training a child up - how to discipline the sin but encourage and grow the soul - I've been humbled by the extraordinary challenge of biblical child-rearing. I need to pray A LOT more. I need to know scriptures A LOT better. And, I need to be a little more like Lucy. I want our children to know reckless prudence - to step into the world of Narnia but still remember their coats. I long for them to have curious wisdom - to take a voyage on the Dawn Treader but know not to ring the bell in Charn. I want to, as Lou Priolo also says, praise and encourage the good things I see in their characters seven times to every reprimand or rebuke. In a world that is scary and seemingly out of control, I want them to live with reckless, guarded abandon as they remember "the Lord bring the counsel of the nations to nothing; he makes the plans of the peoples of no effect. The counsel of the Lord stands forever" (Psalm 33:10-11).

Merian's Third Place

2008-09-26T22:10:00.000-07:00

Merian's third place is Tutta Bella in Seattle - it comes complete with coffee. On her first introduction to this aromatic beverage, she was a bit unsure:

However, she is a quick study:

We're so proud.

Happy Four Months!

2008-09-21T17:09:00.001-07:00

Happy four months sweet Merian!

I Delight in Steak

2008-09-21T14:44:00.001-07:00

I love meat. I'm okay with chicken, and some good pizza - I heartily dislike rice cakes - but I love a good steak. When I was competing, after a long day of riding I would crave The Keg. And it is so good to be getting some spiritual meat again, even if it is in truncated form via John Piper's The Legacy of Sovereign Joy where he discusses Augustine, Luther, and Calvin.

I just finished the chapter on Augustine, and aside from being amazed at the impact Augustine had on the world (including being the first to write about the 'sub-conscious,' take that Freud!), his take on Free Will was especially fascinating. Augustine fought against a British Monk named Pelagius - if you would like a glorified and nauseating version of his teachings, watch King Arthur with Clive Owen - anyway, Pelagius believed man was inherently good and, thus, capable not only of choosing God, but self-perfection. Augustine agreed we have free will, but I just love the way Piper defines his stance:

So saving grace, converting grace, in Augustine's view, is God's giving us a sovereign joy in God that triumphs over all other joys and therefore sways the will. The will is free to move toward whatever delights it most fully, but that is not within the power of our will to determine...

A sinner will thus always choose sin because it delights him most fully. However, Christians are freed to choose the greatest happiness - God is our joy, for as Augustine also says, "Happiness is to rejoice in you and for you and because of you. This is true happiness and there is no other." It is here we also stumble, because we believe the sin we choose will give us greater delight than God and His commands.

It has been good to marinate in God's sovereign joy - that He answers our prayers so that our joy may be complete - and that His story revolves around His glory - that He chose to write and enact the greatest plot with the best climax and resolution, and somehow in all of that He included us!

I'm excited to begin teaching part-time again because everyone loves a good story. I believe we long to be part of a story - to know we are useful for a great good. That's part of why so many love epic stories, like the Chronicles of Narnia or Lord of the Rings, regardless of worldview. We want to fight the good fight, and we want to know our small role mattered somehow. It's only through God and starting at the beginning we can know there IS a bigger story and we DO have the privilege of fighting for the greatest good. Please pray, as the school year begins, I will fight on the front of EvCC with strength, grace, and joy.

Four Years and Three Months

2008-09-01T09:26:00.000-07:00

Andy and I celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary last Thursday. It was a good time of relaxing and reconnecting and eating great food - really, the only things required for a good anniversary. I came across a quote once - I think from either Spurgeon or Luther - discussing how old wine is better than new wine, and it's no coincidence that Christ turned water into fine, 'well seasoned' wine at a marriage feast for His first miracle.

The point was that, though we are tempted to think the first excitement of being married is the best, in reality it is but new and weak. After age, experience, and some good seasoning, the best wine and the best marriage emerges many years later. I never thought the honeymoon phase would fade, but I don't think anyone does. The temptation from a worldly perspective is to mourn the loss of new experiences, crazy emotions, and excitement. Yet, such is always the call of sin and worldliness - the constant search for the "new" as the source of satisfaction, be it a new car, new iphone, new country of residence, or new companion.

But, as Andy and I were relaxing and watching Finding Nemo (which was our first unofficial date at the Marysville Theater in Summer of 2003), I realized how much I like this. I don't miss the awkwardness of the first year as we would stare at each other and wonder who we had married. I like being able to finish Andy's sentences and know (sometimes) his desire or thoughts before he speaks them. I love understanding more of his character so I can pray more specifically and encourage and minister to him more effectively. I like that we have discovered most of the quirks and can laugh about them, and I rejoice that God has made us ever more like-minded (though still so unique!), and the epic theology "discussions" have diminished to be replaced by calmer, more profitable conversations.

The bond of a husband and wife and the fight and commitment towards cultivating a relationship that reflects Christ and His Bride is of paramount importance. It is no surprise Satan attacks marriages so tirelessly, and no small indictment against our society that many Christian marriages fold. Yet, Christ did perform His first miracle at a Wedding, and for those Christian marriage that thrive and shine brightly in this dark world after one, ten, and fifty years, He performs miracles still. As I told my good friend Holly who is getting married in a week, becoming one flesh is instant and yet a lifelong process. We are constantly being woven closer together just as Christ is making us ever more into His image.

I so love Andy, and I enjoy remembering the look on his face when I was walking up the aisle. I cherish the truth that that moment is a flawed, dark picture of Christ's anticipation to welcome us as His bride, and the face that will be expectantly waiting for us when our time of being single pilgrims is over. Merian turned three months about when we celebrated four years, and I love how much God grows a marriage with children. She is trying to sit on her own, roll over, and stand. She is talking more and grabbing things - including my hair (which, incidentally, is falling out. I might be as bald as she is soon). He is faithful to grow and develop her, which is easy to see with all the changes over a short amount of time. I must trust He is just as faithfully growing Andy and me, strengthening our marriage, teaching us, molding us.

Just as we remember Jesus is better, so too is the place we are in right now better than any other, because we are closer to being with our Savior, we are (hopefully!) more sanctified, and this is right where He wants us.

Merian at 12 Weeks

2008-08-14T21:42:00.000-07:00

This bodes well for Merian's future. I like to call it "The Mini Professor."

Farewell to Bobbi

2008-07-25T20:59:00.001-07:00

Bobbi is a horse - a girl horse, which always seemed to confuse people. She is your typical appaloosa, with a leopard print over her haunches and a tiny, sorry excuse for a tail that futiley flick flies on warm summer months.

Bobbi, unlike most horses, has no eyes. It isn't that the eyelids are sewn shut, she actually doesn't have eyeballs. She lost the first as a young filly when she injured it on a stick. She lost the second at about mid-age (twelve-ish) when she got glaucoma and it was, likewise, removed. Bobbi isn't actually our horse - a nice gal named Stephanie owns her - and she is about four years older than me. I knew of her while growing up in 4-H, and Bobbi was a bit of a legend because, if I remember correctly, Stephanie not only showed her with just one eye, but she kept riding and showing her when Bobbi was totally blind.

There's something amazing about the bond between a horse and rider. You can't understand it unless you've had it - it isn't like a team, per se, in that horses obviously aren't human. But there is a closeness and a relationship - a way of communicating that is unique and a little sacred. There's also something special about growing up with a horse and learning with and from each other. Stephanie rode in my event - Trail - which is obstacle riding. You must have a tremendous amount of trust between horse and rider. For Bobbi to trust Stephanie over bridges and logs - around trees and through water - with no sight - was special indeed. I believe they even won the State Championship Stephanie's last year in 4-H.

All of that to say, Bobbi passed away tonight. When our stall worker went to bring her in she was laying on her side and wouldn't get up. She had colicked - it happens to cows and horses if they're too long on their sides, as their intenstines and internal organs can actually shift and twist. We called Stephanie and tried to keep Bobbi comfortable, but she wasn't going to make it. So, the vet put her down.

Bobbi has been at this place almost as long as we have. It's odd when a staple in your life is removed - like an old diner from high school or your favorite field being cleared for a housing development. First the trees, and now Bobbi.

Andy and I once had a long debate about whether or not pets would be in heaven (not animals, but our actual pets). I figure it's one of those things we'll figure out when we get there, and there isn't any Biblical evidence that they will be (which doesn't bode well for my fanciful idea Skyler will romp the fields of heaven). But wouldn't it be neat if someday Bobbi, with a flowing tail and two beautiful eyes, could go galloping through the new Earth?

So, here's goodbye to the horse that Hannah Wentling and Maggie Higgins will likely never forget. Even though I'm not fan of appolosas, here's to the best one I ever met.

Pampers and Photos

2008-07-21T20:55:00.000-07:00

Today is Merian's two-month birthday. I've been so enjoying her growth into (and borderline out of) six month clothing. Sheesh. It's like I live at Carter's. She can now recognize people (including, I'm convinced, Susan Bone), grab things (usually my shirt while I'm changing her), and smile A LOT.

Her favorite thing (other than us and food) is a stuffed basketball I bought for "Baby Bowers" some time early in my pregnancy. It now hangs on her car seat and she spends hours just staring at it.

And laughing.

Then staring again.

I'm pretty sure we're brain damaging/washing her, but if that means she becomes a future basketball player, Andy is just fine with the whole process. I guess she's learning to "keep her eye on the ball" and share Calvin Higgin's love of "Dodos."

As a parent, I've learned that Pampers are better than Huggies, Oxiclean does an amazing job of removing stains (that the Huggies, incidentally, did not prevent), amazingly people will ask of a baby dressed ENTIRELY in pink "how old is he?," (NOT a good way to incline me towards purchasing things in your artsy store as you're possibly blind), and having a baby with you results in random strangers speaking to you, including a crazy guy in the tiny La Conner post office who had a skull cap and was missing some teeth. You know the conversation is going somewhere uncomfortable when said scary man (who has already been talking solely to himself) launches into a conversation with you beginning with, "I've always wanted to hold a baby..."

I've also realized how important it is for parents to recognize things as *tools* in raising their children. Example: Christian education will help teach my child _____, ____, _____. Perhaps that is true, but Christian Education is not the means - Christian Education is the tool in the parents' hands and the means to the end (and even then, I suppose, it isn't a guaranteed end). That's why parents must stay involved and USE things in their children's lives like sports, school, and responsibilities. Too often a parent deposits their child in these areas hoping the area/thing/animal/etc. will teach their child, thus negating their personal responsibility to be the active, most important teacher in their child's life. That's all wrong and not Biblical - playing basketball or getting her a pony (not a pony pony, as those are evil, but a small horse) won't actually teach Merian focus or committment. Basketball is a chisel in (ultimately) God's hands and secondarily our hands to help teach character traits and Godly living (like commitment and focus and discipline).

Finally, I'm giddy like a schoolgirl that Phil Johnson linked my pictures of Susi & Jonathan's wedding on Pyromaniacs. Crazy. I think the set has received 1,300 hits after one day. That's totally cool, and I just LOVED being a part of their day! I know God was honored with the wedding and will be honored in their relationship.

And I really, really like my kid. How can you not love this face?

The Biggest Baby in the World

2008-06-26T08:54:00.000-07:00

Our child is one of the biggest in the world - at least, she's in the 99th percentile for weight and the 97th for height. At one month she is 12 pounds and 23 inches long! This all very much delights her Father, who is envisioning an impressive basketball player - but her mother is a little sad as she starts putting away the smaller outfits (we're talking 0-3 month clothes). I foresee comforting my child about being the tallest girl in her class until, miracle of miracles, boys start to grow in 8th grade. However, for now I am very thankful that she got a lot of 3-9 month clothes because she will be in them soon!

I'm not sure Merian is so excited about her weight - well, maybe she's just not excited about being cold and without covering:

I've learned much in 5 weeks: I am not a very patient person (especially with lack of sleep, but isn't that when it really counts?), I cannot do all the things I'm used to doing (what, babies really do take all your time and energy?), and I cannot force Merian onto my schedule (Evidence: last night, trying to get ready for small group with a hungry child who needed to suddenly eat, then deposited most of that onto her front and into her diaper, required a change and then, when we did arrive thirty minutes late, proceeded to cry for the majority of Small Group). I've also discovered the little sin nature. Yesterday when I tried to give Merian her gripe water (we have an elaborate series of liquid in syringes Merian consumes with each feeding, but doesn't exactly enjoy), as I put it to her lips she looked right at me with her beautiful blue eyes and shut her mouth fast. Then she farted. It was quite a statement.

I've also learned a lot about trusting God. She is God's - we are her stewards. I must trust her to Him. I don't think you know fear until a little soul is sleeping next to you in a hospital room and you're afraid to fall asleep in case she stops breathing. Spurgeon's entry for May 21st in Mornings and Evenings is this, and I thought it so appropriate as I've just been reading through Deuteronomy and Joshua:

Build on eternal truths, and truly build on them. Get "the sure mercies of David" (Isa. 55:3), and surely get them. Let your anchor be cast into that which is within the veil, and see to it that your soul is linked to the anchor by a cable that will not break. Advance beyond these dreary "ifs." Abide no more in the wilderness of doubts and fears. Cross the Jordan of distrust, and enter the Canaan of peace, where the Canaanite still lingers, but where the land does not cease to flow "with milk and honey."

Happy 1-Month Birthday!

2008-06-21T20:18:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Merian! Only eleven more months until we celebrate your one-year Birthday! :) But, here you are at exactly 3:13 on June 21st.

Merian Marie!

2008-06-08T16:51:00.000-07:00

Much has been going on, from random weeping sessions (usually accompanied by severe lack of sleep and hunger), to birthing a chid (that happened before the lack of sleep), family visits, and spending time with my beautiful new daughter. God has also been reminding and teaching me many things, not least His sovereignty and timing. I will have to post more meat after the 16th (i.e. after I do my happy dance at turning in Grades!), but for now, here are some of my favorite recent pictures:

New Baby Update

2008-05-09T12:41:00.000-07:00

Hey all! My Doctor's appointment yesterday afternoon showed that my blood pressure is great - better than it has been for months! I suppose sitting around and reading is good for you...? I am 1-2 centimeters dilated and 30-40% effaced, which just basically means I'm progressing, but there's no guarantee of when I will deliver. The nice Nurse said I could deliver today, and there are women four centimeters dilated who wander around for two weeks. I don't think we will ever know exactly what causes labor in women, no matter how technologically advanced we become. It is a "God-Area," like anti-matter (oxymoron, anyone?), the platypus, and Washington weather.

I did transplant a few tulips this morning, and planted some Sweet Pea seeds. I love sweet peas. I look out at my garden and lament not loving and caring for it as I should. In addition, my parents are finalizing plans for their addition, and instead of it it going to the left of the current house - as we had thought it would - it is going to the right, as you're facing the old house. That means a number of beds I've worked on, thinking they were permanent, will be lost. Many trees will be coming down in the next month, as well, and I'm somewhat desperate to transplant all the plants I want to save! Oh well, hopefully when Andy takes a few days off with Baby's arrival he can work on that...?

Thank you all so much for your prayers and calls and thoughts. It's times like this I realize how much I love the Church, not to mention just socially *seeing* people. I miss you all a lot, A LOT, and I'm fighting impatience and anxiety about Baby coming. However, I'm enjoying reading, trying to hold my classes together and provide encouragement to students dealing with different professors, and grading papers. I love you all!

Tests & Such

2008-05-06T11:12:00.000-07:00

Thank you all for your prayers! My lab results came back today (via the nice nurse at Maternal Fetal Medicine who got them faxed), and everything looked good! I was a little elevated in one area concerning my kidneys (?) but protein and blood was good.

My NST Test was also excellent. I hung out with my Mom and Dad, and my blood pressure looked great and Baby is super healthy. Praise God! Now Baby just needs to come...soon...:). I have a Doctor's appointment on Thursday afternoon, and I will post an update.

A Full-Term Baby

2008-04-30T07:48:00.000-07:00

As of today, Baby Bowers has made it full-term. I was thanking God this morning that this baby seems to be so healthy and has stayed inside for as long as he or she is supposed to. Many women experience far more complications, and I fear I take for granted what my Doctor called a "perfect pregnancy" because I know no differently.

As my body has been changing over the past eight+ months, I've realized what frustrates me more than being tired all of the time, or having emotional swings, is the inability to do as much as I'm used to doing. It was humbling, though, as Andy and I were talking about the need to rest and I realized much of my self-image is tied into being a hard-worker. In the past I typically didn't work hard to glorify God, I worked hard throughout High School and College because I was a control freak, or because if I couldn't be the prettiest or most fit girl, I would be the one to out-work them and impress the guys with my discipline and diligence. If it meant beating the UCU Men's house at dishes, or taking the hard job while working at summer camp, my motive was often self-glorification, not God-glorification. This also explains why I am not as quick to serve at things like Icthus or help clean at Staff Meeting - who is there to impress according to my selfish motives?

Thus, this morning when I was reading D.A. Carson's A Call to Spiritual Reformation, his words hit deep. In discussing Paul's prayer to the Philippian church in verses 1:9-11 he observes:

Sadly, the pursuit of the excellent can be wretchedly idolatrous...for some people, unless they tackle whatever they are doing with 100 percent of their energy and competence, the task is not worth doing at all. They cannot live with themselves unless they work that way...but from a Christian perspective, this attitude may turn out to be nothing more than another form of self-worship.

[This] is the ultimate test: it is the test of our motives. Some of us pursue what is excellent because we find it hard to do anything else. Our perfectionist natures are upset when there is inferior discipline, preaching, witness, praying, teaching. If we are concerned over these things because we sense in them a church that has sunk into contentment with lukewarmness and spiritual mediocrity, if we try to change these things because in our heart of hearts we are zealous for the glory of God, that is one thing; if on the other hand our concern over these matters is driven primarily by our own high, perfectionist standards, we will be less inclined to help, and more inclined to belittle.

Paul has in fact already tried to quash pursuit of this kind of [self-serving] excellence. By praying that the love of the Philippian believers might abound more and more, as a precondition and a means to discerning and approving what is best, he establishes the nature of the excellence that interests him. Love is essentially self-denying; it seeks God's itnerests, our fellow believer's good...so far are we joining the apostle in his prayers, and learning to live with eternity's values in mind.

He goes on to ask, "if the things I value are taken away, is my joy in the Lord undiminished? Or am I so tied to my dreams that the destruction of my dreams means I am destroyed as well?" I need to ask myself this question far more often - I know God has worked in this area of my life, from Graduate School to Marriage to Teaching, but I have a long way to go. I can only imagine how Baby will grow me in this area, as well, as I find my own dreams and freedoms subjected to someone else's good in a way I've never experienced before.

Lessons Learned in Childbirthing Class (Part 1)

2008-04-05T21:05:00.000-07:00

Nothing has seemed worthy of posting since the special Easter Resurrection many of us experienced with the Weinberg family. This does not compare with the depth of Chuck's blog, but I thought it would be fun to share some of my new wisdom with all of you (who probably already know all of this). I learned it during our first Childbirth session at Providence in Everett:

1). Husbands should not tell jokes while their wife is having a contraction
2). God knew what He was doing when He designed the female body, and never have I been so thankful for wide hips...
3). Exercise Balls are helpful for many things, including labor and aligning your back while typing (and push-ups that focus on your triceps, but that really pales in comparison with assisting labor)
4). Attempting to practice breathing exercises with Andy while not actually in labor is more amusing than helpful
5). Of all the odd birthing terms, "Ring of Fire" is the least encouraging
6). Soothing labor music sounds a lot like elevator music, and I don't find elevators peaceful places, and I'm wondering if they've considered this
7). I would like to labor to Bach, but perhaps when Baby crowns we could be on Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture"
8). Comparing a placenta to a liver makes me never, never, never want to try liver (not that it was high on my list in the first place - hello, who wants to eat the filtration system?)

I'm sure I will post again next week - I can only imagine what wisdom I will garner from studying C-Sections, Intervention, and Pain Medications.

And, for those wondering, Baby is now 33.5 weeks old (so I suppose I'm in my 34th week). That means I have six and a half weeks before my due date. I'm feeling a bit like a beached beluga who waddles (and wondering what I will feel like come Mid-May...?), but I'm amazingly sleeping through the night really well, and God gave me amazing strength for each day of class this past week - one week of Spring down, six more to go!

War & Rebellion

2008-03-03T08:27:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago in my English 98 class I was trying to point out that The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe presents a very contrastive example of war and revenge than Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. In Lewis' work, the children are motivated by love of Mr. Tumnus, the desire to right wrong, to save their brother from the evil White Witch, and ultimately to serve Aslan. They then pursue these goals constrained by the laws of Narnia, as Aslan himself does when he submits to the "Deep Magic" and sacrifices himself on the Stone Table.

In Harry Potter, though Harry's motives are arguably "good" in the sense he is trying to help his friends (Neville or Hagrid), he still consistently breaks the rules to do so (flying on his broom when he's been told not to or breaking into the tower at night), and receives either no punishment or reward (flying on the broom = becoming a Seeker). Thus personal revenge and "taking the law into your own hands" are lauded while submitting to authority (try to find a good, staunch authority figure in HP, by the way), is typically mocked or subverted.

In response to this, one of my students argued that the children in TLWW are seeking revenge - they want revenge upon the White Witch for what she has done to Tumnus, Aslan, and Edmund. I tried to explain that not every 'fight for justice' is an act of revenge - they are not personally going after the Witch to kill her, but operating within an epic war pitting the clearly good side against the evil one. This then got us into the root cause of War.

My students pretty universally agreed that all War is caused by some sort of revenge - revenge for taking land, deposing a King, etc. But I'm hesitant to apply revenge, which I would define as being a personal, vindictive act outside of the law of the land, to every War.

This also seems to eliminate the idea of Divine wrath or judgement - a "just war" in the sense of the battle against Evil, or Christ's defeat of Satan, or the ultimate war of God and His angels against Satan and his dark forces. Does anyone else agree? If a war is sanctioned by God - if it is rooted in Good against Evil - can it have any taint of revenge? Does God ever seek "revenge" on someone? Being vengeful obviously isn't the same thing, but I'm looking for some extra clarity.

Random and Unconnected Thougts

2008-02-07T18:50:00.001-08:00

I'm lacking in profundity, so I will share some of the random, simple thoughts wandering through my tired mind:

1. I have fifteen weeks left of being pregnant (in theory). That is freaking me out. How can God actually trust us with the responsibility of a human life?! I mean, I lost my flour baby in ninth grade when I left it on the bleachers to play Volleyball.

2. I'm really excited for the movie Prince Caspian. I know it comes out May 17th, but unless I'm in labor, I will be at that movie. Hopefully I won't go into labor at the movie. As I've been teaching through Perelandra the last week or so, I have again been impressed by Lewis' forcing of ideals into a physical realm. Men must be willing to fight - perhaps with only their two fists - to the death against evil. Caspian must fight in a just war to regain just Kingship. It's such a slap in the face to pansy-Christianity that demands we kiss babies and make God a cosmic teddy bear. It makes it so real and visceral, and that is such a good reminder that the fight is REAL even if the war is won. Is Prince Caspian more "violent" with more "fighting?" Yes. Welcome to life.

3. The excuse that someone doesn't do well in school because "they're bored" is an annoying load of pig-dung. If something comes that easily to you, you should excel at it and then find some other hobby - curing Cancer, or maybe mastering kickball. Doing something even when you're bored is called DISCIPLINE. I don't think it's discipline - or at least not the same type - when you do something you love well and often.

4. You really should read the books assigned you in a class - especially when you have to write an essay on it. This will keep me from wasting time reading your blithering and ignorant excuse for an English Essay.

5. I've actually had a lot of joy this week - God is gracious, and I love this time in life where people are getting married and babies are being grown and born. I was marveling at what kind of humility Christ must have had to subject Himself to the judgment and condemnation of men He actually knit together in their mothers' wombs. That's some kind of love.

6. I'm very thankful for Phil, specifically his sermon the Sunday before Snow Retreat. God always reminds me at my most tired or dejected points that I'm not teaching just to make good writers, critical thinkers, or readers. Every day I walk in that classroom is a spiritual battle for those students' minds, and it takes me relying on Christ's strength to fight on the front lines. Sometimes I get tired of it and want a chance to retreat for some rest. And I know He's faithful to give me those times. But I have always wanted to be in the midst of the action, and I prayed He would send me into the heat of the battle, so I'm working at ETPing at the sword-swinging and getting some blows in return.

Right Rebellion

2008-01-11T14:05:00.000-08:00

I've been working through Wide as the Waters, a non-fiction piece on "the story of the English Bible and the Revolution it inspired."

One thing that has been nagging me since SKH preached through submission to authority is this: was it right for preachers to spread Wycliffe's theology when, according to the law, it was wrong? Was it right for publishers to create black-market copies of Tyndale's New Testament - was it right for merchants to then smuggle them into England?

Every step of Tyndale's translation required rebellion against some sort of law or authority - was this Biblical? On all accounts, fighting doctrinal error and the corruption in the Catholic Church for the salvation of souls seems the greater good, but do we get into dangerous waters when we pragmatically begin discussing 'the greater good?'

I'm just curious what all of you think...those who still wander by time-to-time, that is :)

Answered Prayer!

2007-12-24T17:32:00.000-08:00

Thank you all for your prayers - God is so good - our appointment went well and Baby Bowers is healthy! The ultrasound showed a "normal," strong baby who, as the radiologist put it, "is a little stinker." It looks like he or she has Dad's forehead (and stubborness), and big hands and Mom's long legs! Baby even gave us a little high-five when not irritated at the poking and the prodding. We love you all - what a sweet Christmas gift!! Have a wonderful Christmas Eve and thank you for your love and prayers!

Prayer Request

2007-12-22T08:12:00.000-08:00

Just a quick post - I have an appointment with the Maternal Fetal Medicine department at Providence on Monday at 8am. For those who don't know, on my Quad Test (it measures certain protein levels in the blood to gauage the possibility of four different disabilities the fetus might have), the probability of Downs Syndrome came back high (probability of 1 in 100). This test is (as I've found out) amazingly faulty and delivers an absurdly high number of false-positives. I have a three-hour appointment Christmas Eve, including an extensive UltraSound. I'm just asking for your prayers, though I know many of you have been praying already - and THANK YOU because I feel such peace about all of this.

Every parent wants a healthy, 'perfect' baby, but I have grown-up around enough disability to know that such isn't always the case, and God works in amazing ways through individuals that some in our society would deem 'un-fit.' I'm so thankful for all the people I've known, from my Uncle with autisim to my good friend with brittle bone disease. I know God is knitting together the pefect baby for His glory and our good. I'm praying for the right perspective and the opportunity to shine for Him, and wisdom for the doctors.

Merry Merry Christmas everyone - love you all!

His Dark Materials

2007-11-30T16:15:00.000-08:00

The buzz over Philip Pullman's The Golden Compass is heating up as the cinematic release nears. I think most Christians are informed on this topic, and accordingly this will be a brief post, but if the topic comes up, these are a few points of consideration:

1). He is an atheist. He is a militant athiest. He hates C.S. Lewis with a passion and wrote His Dark Materials trilogy as a direct attack against the Chronicles of Narnia. They have a number of similarities - note that Pullman's first book begins with Lyra hiding in a wardrobe.

2). "His Dark Materials" is a line from Milton's Paradise Lost. Pullman's premise is that, in Milton (and thus Genesis) the wrong side won - in essence, God is the faulty tyrant and Satan the 'good' side.

3). Accordingly, the entire moral structure (if you can even call it that) is inversed in the book. Evil is good, and good is evil, but it's really all relative, anyway. Everything flips a Christian world-view and values the opposite of what any Bible-believing person would stand for.

4). At least, unlike Harry Potter or Friends, Pullman's world-view is obvious. He literally says in the first work that God is evil - I suppose we should be thankful he's overtly blasphemous and not subversive. But don't be fooled, he himself has said he's actively trying to undermine a Christian worldview:
"I'm trying to undermine the basis of Christian belief."
He might claim he's going after all organized religion, but don't buy it for a moment. He might just be "creating a story" and not "preaching a sermon," with Christianity as his closest fodder because he grew up around it, but your beliefs will ALWAYS show up in your creative out-put, and there IS a reason it's Christianity he goes after and not Islam.

Obviously, there is no reason to support Pullman. His works are interesting as pieces of Literature, and he does creatively interact with Milton and bring some originality to the "fantasy table," but even though he's writing in the same tradition as Tolkien and Lewis (a phrase that's beginning to really bother me), he's likewise fighting against all of the beliefs and purpose Tolkien and Lewis brought to their understanding and execution of fantasy literature and creativity.

Introducing - Little Baby Bowers

2007-11-19T17:59:00.001-08:00

It's been a while since I posted, but so much has been going on!! I will write more later, but I wanted to introduce everyone to our new little baby. Andy is sure it's a boy, I'm undecided, and pretty much everyone else thinks it's a girl. We want to wait and find out the sex, but Andy isn't a huge fan of most yellow or green shades, and that leaves few unisex options except cream, brown, and orange...and blue (at least, according to Andy, girls can wear blue too :). So, our colors are more limited, but that's okay!

So, here is either Marian Marie Bowers (any ideas on how to spell Marian? We want to name her, if it's a girl, after my Aunt Marion, but I prefer the feminine spelling. The Celtic spelling is Merian, but I think that will lead to many "how do you spell that?"). Or, Caedmon Andrew Bowers:

The Curse of Safety

2007-10-16T12:48:00.000-07:00

I'm irritated - I'm so irritated I had to write this instead of grading papers (not that I need much excuse, really). And I don't think I'm irritated because of hormones, disease, or fatigue...though those might be assisting.

I couldn't attend Out of the Box (One28's evangelism event) because I came down with an amazingly nasty cold this past week that floored me. I don't do well with such things - I like making my body do what *I* want it to do. Thus the reason pregnancy is also irritating me - I'm realizing I can't just push through fatigue that makes me fall asleep any time, anywhere, in about 1.5 seconds.

As I was writing to SKH to explain this to him (though let's be honest, I also have A LOT of MP Running Start students, and I was wondering how that would work out if I was able to go), I mused whether or not there was a 'safer' form of Evangelism for, say, Jr. High girls whose parents aren't wild about the idea of them with the heathen wolves of a public school football game.

I then realized that was, potentially, the most stupid thing I have ever asked. I'm reading through Acts, and I couldn't think of a less-safe occupation than Paul's. Nor can I think of a more rewarding. Evangelism is not about being safe - are we seriously willing to see people's souls sent to Hell because we don't want our pure, innocent minds watching hormonal people making out on the bleachers? I can't even imagine what Paul saw at Corinth or Rome!

I just think we're too safe. My Small Group girls are way too safe. How can you grow and be refined without any fire? Without the Potter's Wheel? My girls are sitting like cute little lumps of unfired clay...very nice unfired clay, but never-the-less, lumps on a shelf. What's the point? How can I inspire them to grow...help build a fire...without any sticks of persecution, challenge, questioning, brokenness, fear, insufficiency, or cruelty?

I think I've posted a similar post before. What do I do? Do Teresa and I start planning small groups around events that specifically push them and make them uncomfortable? Am I railing against a sovereign God who knows all this and will be faithful to complete what He has begun in these girls, apart from me? Should I trust? Should I yell? Comfort and safety and insulation are, I think, becoming some of the biggest threats to Christianity - at least, the Church I know and love and see each week. There is NOTHING in the Bible, and especially the New Testament, about playing it safe. After all, we are playing for keeps - the stakes are huge, and though we must be wise and gentle and pure, we can't leave it all on the field if we never even go ON the field.

Beowulf and Solomon

2007-09-15T07:35:00.000-07:00

I finished Beowulf yesterday - part of my summer reading project so that I no longer have to be ashamed that I haven't read an essential text for the study of English - and have to say it was really good! What I appreciate most is the reminder that people have always been creative and poetic - texts such as this save us from what C.S. Lewis deemed "Chronological Snobbery." I think this is rooted in Darwinism and pride (obviously), to think that we're somehow better than people of the past. Yet we couldn't build pyramids without computers and cranes, and the Greeks knew the atom existed - though believed it un-dividable. The sharpest point you can have (other than diamond, I suppose) is Obsidian - and the Native Americans knew that. My point is, God gave us intelligence and we simply stand on the shoulders of the giants who have gone before. Similarly, God's truth has always been in the hearts of men - listen to what Hrothgar says to his hall after Beowulf has slain Grendel:

"It is a wonder to say how in His great spirit mighty God gives wisdom to mankind, land and earlship - He possesses power over all things. At times He lets the thought of a man of high lineage move in delight, gives him joy of earth in his homeland, a strong-hold of men to rule over...He lives in plenty; illness and age in no way grieve him, neither does dread care darken his heart...until his portion of pride increases and flourishes within him...what he has long held seems to him too little, angry-hearted he covets...in the end if happens in turn that the loaned body weakens, falls doomed; another takes the earl's ancient treasure."

This sounds so much like Ecclesiastes I was shocked to find it in a text that dates to the late 700s but deals with an early Christan environment c.449AD filled with pagan Germanic/Scandinavian ritual, dragons, and monsters. Written in Old English, it is considered the first 'English text' and shows that truly His wisdom never changes, and I'm so thankful that His gospel spread to the furthest reaches of the world and rooted itself so early in English history.

Orcs, Elves, and Spurgeon

2007-09-12T09:10:00.000-07:00

Iain Murray relates a fascinating point about salvation that Spurgeon made in his ongoing discussion of Calvinism:

"Be it never forgotten by us that the salvation of a soul is a creation. Now, no man has ever been able to create a fly...Jehovah alone creates...No human or angelic power can intrude upon this glorious province of divine power. Creation is God's own domain...Regeneration is not the reforming of principles which were there before, but the implantation of a something which had no existence."

For C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien, good (i.e. other-worldly and divine) magic always creates - take Aslan in The Magician's Nephew, or Illuvatar in The Silmarillion making Elves - whereas evil magic always attempts to create, but only manipulates and ultimately destroys a good creation - the Orcs in The Lord of the Rings, which are twisted Elves, or the White Witch in Narnia making it always Winter. As Frodo tells Sam in The Return of the King in reference to whether Orcs drink and eat:

"No, they eat and drink, Sam. The Shadow that bred them can only mock, it cannot make: not real new things of its own. I don't think it gave life to the orcs, it only ruined them and twisted them."

For as long as I recognized the centrality of creation as only God's domain, I failed to recognize how salvation is the creation of a totally new man, not just the "reforming of principles which were there before," as Spurgeon says. So, I suppose in some ways Tolkien and Lewis are good Calvinists, after all ;).

Flying High!

2007-09-08T19:22:00.000-07:00

First, Anna Karenina is an incredibly depressing book with whacky theology - how exactly can you be a pacifist anarchist Christian (as Tolstoy claimed to be)? Doesn't that seem like a triple oxymoron? Discuss.

Second, Andy and I got to go flying with Brant, Trisha's husband, on Friday. Here are some pictures - it was an amazing perspective!! God's creation is so beautiful and rich - being a little above it reminded me of the how precious and small life is (there isn't much around you in a little plane, and mountains are big)

This is a side view

Andy looking HANDSOME!

Summer Reading

2007-08-17T10:35:00.000-07:00

Here are a few thoughts on the books I've read this summer - perhaps it will encourage some reading...?

Fahrenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury

I've never read anything by Ray Bradbury, and this text was one of those 'classics I really should read.' It's much in the same vein as 1984, but without the complexity, crudeness, and depth. It is eerily prophetic, like Orwell's work, and definitely makes you think about today - especially television. However, I wouldn't read this if you're looking for a pick-me-up.

Northanger Abby - Jane Austen

This is a mock Gothic novel, and if you're into Jane Austen, it doesn't have some of the more subtle and satirical depth that something like Pride and Prejudice exhibits, but this is very fun and more playful (you can tell it's one of her early novels). Definitely a good read, especially if you like the Gothic and understand Radcliffe's novels.

The Count of Monte Cristo - Alexander Dumas

This has become one of my favorite novels. I'm amazed that Dumas can keep someone's attention - for the most part - for all of 1,400 pages. I can't even entirely imagine what they take out for the abridged version. There are some fascinating views of forgiveness and God's sovereignty/justice and how that relates to humanity, and the plot twist are delicious. There is a little swearing and some violence, but it's wonderfully 19th century Gothic/Romance.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows - J.K. Rowling

Hmmm...this could be its own blog. This could be a couple of its own blog posts. I would agree that this is the strongest Harry Potter book besides the 6th. This final book cemented my conviction on Rowling's post-modernism, as evidenced in the character of her heroes, the vague nature of good and evil, the portrayal of authority, the absence of absolute truth, and her problematic presentation of death. I appreciated the plot of this book, though I still find her endings problematic and 'squishy' (that's a Lit term, by the way), but the biggest issue I had was her, I think, failed attempt at Tolkien's 'eucatastrophe' - the joyous turn in the face of catastrophe. It really falls flat - perhaps because she's a weak ender. Anyway, I'll stop now.

Anna Karenina - Tolstoy

I've never read anything by Tolstoy, and I love Dostoevsky, so I figured I should give another Russian a chance - and War and Peace didn't really appeal to me. Though I have vowed never to read a book on Oprah's book club unless forced (Sula, for example), I figured this didn't really count because it was a classic before Oprah was born. This is very fast-paced in the beginning, and then bogs down a bit in the middle with a lengthy exploration of Russian Farming (no kidding). Though I don't like the bog-factor, considering this book is a discussion of fidelity, love, marriage, and sin - I think the initial excitement and captivation in the beginning, followed by trudging and sadness, is actually wonderfully indicative of how sin and transgression operate.

The Radical Cross - A.W. Tozer

There were moments of this text I loved - it's basically a compilation of chapters on the Cross from a variety of Tozer's work. I'm not sure I would recommend it, as there are elements of his theology I don't agree with, and after reading Spurgeon's The Power of the Cross of Christ, this was a bit of a letdown.

Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World

I don't remember the author, but I really loved the first half to three-quarters of this book. The chapter on anxiety was especially good and hit pretty close to home. I also loved her focus on not only serving, but the heart of why we're serving. Obviously, Christ was not admonishing Martha for getting dinner ready for the herd of men that had descended on her house. He was admonishing her for her heart attitude and priorities. I'm not sure how I feel about the author's focus on Sabbath rest and balancing work and worship, so I just skimmed the last few chapters.

Quotes of the Ichthus

2007-08-01T15:29:00.000-07:00

Without further ado, here is the list of memorable quotes from Ichthus:

You have got to learn to push your cuticles down - I mean, look at them! - Andy B. to David Young
We are at the home of the wedgie - Anonymous
Like, we only have one stomach, right? - Stephanie Z.
I've heard that women deteriorate overnight - Micah L.
Man, you smell good! Like a doughnut - JSarr to Brian Young
I'm actually thinking of putting pants on - JMart
I'm not awake enough to chew - Brian Young
Well, it was either a hippie or a raccoon - JMart
It's Satan in the form of a deer - Katie H.
The Electric Chair, marvel of marvels - Katie H.
Well, as long as it's just weewee - Esther M.
I totally would have done it because the head poncho said so - Kimmie W.
Who else wants a note? I'm still bleeding - Nathaniel L.
If anything puts its head through the door, hit it with the flashlight - Teresa W.
"He spoke, therefore he got whupped" - Ben Hanson. "Do you think that's Godly? I mean, did Jesus sic Peter on Judas?" - Leila B.

And, my two very favorites:

A good show chicken is not that bad to look at - Chris M.
Jesse Martin's hair makes me tingle on the inside - Stephanie Z.

Here's to a GREAT Ichthus! It was truly the best yet - it was such an encouragement to see everyone getting along and fellowshiping within the group campsite, be challenged by excellent teaching, be amazed at God's creaton, and be encouraged as Jr. High girls started opening up and being challenged by the message and excited about growing in their love of God! I even enjoyed the challenge of ETPing through our "short and easy" hike. Even though the view wasn't really worth it, the reminder of my own frailty and sinfulness and grouchy-ness was definitely worthwhile. Praise to God who gives us gifts beyond what we could even hope.

Lukewarmness

2007-07-12T08:15:00.000-07:00

How do you combat "lukewarmness?" In yourself - in others? During the summer, where trials seem fewer and my sense of self-satisfaction and fulfillment at its high, I find myself struggling with this. Last night at small group, apathy and disinterest in spiritual matters abounded. It left me with the question, can I help foster passionate love of Christ in my girls? Is there anything I can do, apart from pursuing it on my own, or is this something entirely up to God? Is this a reminder of the need for prayer?

Where does a longing, passionate, driven, all-consuming love of the triune God come from? How do we foster it in ourselves? I want to be that person! I want to be like Isaiah who says, "with my soul I have desired you in the night, yes, by my spirit within me I will seek you early" 26:9. It led me to consider a few things that affect my "loves," and areas that will help me grow:

Correct understanding of God and meditation on that knowledge: if I truly grasped the sovereignty of God, the depth of all His attribues, the ministry of Christ, the magnitude of the cross, the glory of a risen savior, the work of sanctification, and God's ultimate purpose, it would change everything. If every moment of my day could be lived in light of eternal, worthy things, just imagine what that day would look like!
Correct understanding of myself and those around me: I wish I could see myself and others through Christ. If I really understood Him, I know my love for others would increase tenfold, and I would long to share the gospel with no fear and great hope.
Service: I'm selfish. I like to pursue my goals and my comfort first - I'm not the first to jump-in and help with dishes, or shovel bark, or whatever. I need to hold my time and plans with an open hand - a heart dedicated to others can't help but be a passionate one.
Trials and Molding: it's easy to be "on-fire" for God and wholly dependent on Him in the midst of hardship, but He demands it of us every moment. Is it possible to have that all-consuming need of God and satisfaction in Him when the waters are calm?

Of course there are other things - prayer, serious study of the Word (though that's a given in reference to point #1), but how do we encourage these things in those around us? How do we instill passion? Do we? How do you make others excited about Christ?

Free Time

2007-07-08T21:15:00.001-07:00

Well, tomorrow is my 25th Birthday. I'm not sure what I think...25 seems like a truly significant age. I feel like a grown-up - or, that I should be one! What does the future hold? As I challenged my girls today at Small Group, if someone made a pie-chart of your time and the money you spend, what would it reveal about your loves? Where is your heart? WHY do we do what we do? I will blog more tomorrow, but these are some of the questions revolving in my mind as I look towards the future:

What will I do without PSCC? Is God asking me to pursue other areas of interest? Develop new skills?
Should I puruse Photography? The irony is my father always said, "most people don't have the same job their entire lives," and I initially went to UW planning to major in Photography or Drama/Directing.
Should I start writing again? Most people don't know that I used to do creative writing like a mad woman -I wrote my first short story at age 8 and did a lot of competitions - I practically lived to write. College changed that - it was essays instead of stories, but I've been thinking more and more lately about if I should write. I told the One28 staff I'm thinking of writing historical fiction on William Tyndale's life, but that will take A LOT of research. Is that where God wants me to channel my time? Do I write fantasy? What is most worthwhile - what will make a difference?
After designing the trail (obstacle) course for the Regional Arabian horse show this year, I got the bug again to work with a young horse and show it. But aside from all the money that entails, do I want to take the time for it? Wouldn't it be better spent elsewhere? How does that fit with ministry? Family?
What does God have for the future, Andy, and family? As my parents enjoy our friends' children more and more, and as Andy sees the end of school in sight, what would God have for us?

Those are just a few things bouncing around in my brain tonight. I'm off to enjoy being 24 a bit longer...but I'm sure I'll write more tomorrow.

Rough Rocks

2007-06-22T08:13:00.000-07:00

I've been convicted lately - as is appropriate - by my lack of love for others and, most specifically, my lack of all-consuming love for my Lord and Savior. But I was so encouraged this morning by Spurgeon's entry in "Mornings and Evenings" in reference to Christ building His temple -

As it was with Solomon's temple, so in this; the materials need to be made ready. There are the cedars of Lebanon, but they are not framed for the building. There are also the rough stones still in the quarry; they must be hewn from that place and squared. All this is CHRIST'S own work. Each individual believer is being prepared, polished, and made ready for his place in the temple; but Christ's own hand performs the preparatory work...our prayers and efforts cannot make us ready for heaven, apart from the hand of Jesus, who fashions our hearts aright.

What a marvelous truth! Even the Cedars of Lebanon need fashioning, though I feel more like the rough stone of the quarry. Isn't it amazing that God takes rough, unimpressive stones and crafts them into a building more beautiful than anything we have ever seen? It is His hand at work chiseling and refining - it is necessary, and it must happen while I'm here on earth. But I will be finished once I reach my home, and there I will be an integral pillar in the house of God. What an amazing truth! How glorious that He works it all from beginning to end!

Summer is HERE!

2007-06-11T18:11:00.000-07:00

By God's incredible grace and strength, Andy has graduated from the UW and I have finished another year of school. One of my dear friends asked me, "how would you describe your third year of marriage?" It was an interesting question - it has been full of many trials, from family situations to headaches to jobs, but God has used each situation to grow us closer together and more dependent on Him. This post, though, is to say YIPEEE! for summer and CONGRATULATIONS to my wonderful, handsome, brilliant husband on his BA in History. You did it Babe!

The Month of May

2007-05-19T16:05:00.001-07:00

This morning my mom asked me if I had blogged lately - especially as so much has happened in the last nineteen days! Just a run-down:

Tomorrow, my beloved friend Trisha's son Joshua will be three months old.
I got to be present when Lydia had Lily (though not actually in the room with her, I certainly could appreciate what she was going through!). I then got to hold Lily when she was perhaps an hour old. How could anyone look at a baby and not praise God for His incredible craftsmanship? How can they not see it's an amazing miracle?
In light of Lily's birth, and Erica's pregnancy, I have become the new campaign in the "convincing someone to have a baby" department. Oh well...it's increasing my sanctification - I hope. The irony is I thought I might be pregnant right after Women's Retreat, so that was definitely a time of looking at God and thinking - wow! What are your plans for me?
I found out during the first week of May that PSCC was closing. Since then, there have been many goodbyes and sadness, but I'm excited to see all that God is going to do in their lives!
My parents have been remodeling a good part of their home. This has included gutting the downstairs bathroom (which now looks amazing, by the way), laying new floors in the entry way, much wallpaper removing and painting (that's become my job, somehow, and I have the blister to prove it) in the vast majority of rooms and hallways in the house, scraping cottage cheese off the ceiling (if you have it, you know what I'm talking about - if not - count yourself blessed), and replacing the carpet (soon). These projects have helped me appreciate home ownership via my parents, and while being so excited to see things updated and new, realizing that this, too, shall pass.
Said remodeling project has almost made me dislike cats. Okay, maybe I just hate their pee. Is there a way to have the cat and not the pee?
My good friend Miranda turned 25 this month, which reminds me that I'm going to be old soon, too.
The 18th was our "three year anniversary of engagement." I'm so, SO, SO thankful Andy rode Skyler up to my window that morning! I could not possibly ask for a better husband.
I'm officially judging my first show (albeit a learner show) tomorrow (Sunday the 20th). I really get to call the shots...which means I'm actually very nervous.
I bought my first official piece of "photograher" equipment - i.e. a Canon 430EZ Flash. I really have no idea what I'm doing with it yet...
I finally have a bit of free time, which means I'm trying to finish Eldest, start Farenheit 451, complete Spurgeon's The Power of the Cross of Christ, and start Tozer's The Radical Cross.

And so, on that note, I will end with a great quote. I've been amazed at God's goodness that I haven't dissolved into a little whimpering mess yet. Usually, when this much change and "it's out of my control" stuff starts happening, I have some serious issues. So, I'm not sure if it's the happy drugs I'm taking for my headaches, or (and I believe it's this option) the incredible grace and power of God growing me up into Christ! Amen! Anyway, here's the quote - I've been trying to look more to Christ, and Spurgeon has definitely been helping with that:

Our blessed Lord has at this time a thirst for communion with each of you who are His people, not because you can do him good but because He can do you good. He thirsts to bless you and to receive your grateful love in return. He thirsts to see you looking with believing eyes to His fullness and holding out your emptiness that He may supply it.

Final Days at PSCC

2007-05-02T11:37:00.000-07:00

It was announced on Monday that PSCC will be closing its doors after this year. That means that this final week of class will be the last time I get to see my students. Commencement will be far more emotional than ever before - hugs will perhaps be final hugs - there is no hope of seeing any of these smiling faces waiting for me in the Fall.

I never wanted to teach at a Christian College. I also didn't want to be an English major or attend the University of Virginia - but that's beside the point. I far preferred pagans to hypocrites - better EvCC and a secular world than the weak faith and double-faced living that characterize many 'Christian' institutions. And though my two-and-a-half years at PSCC have been filled with trials, frustration, hair loss, burdens, and heartbreak, I'm so thankful God brought me to this school. I'm amazed at His goodness in teaching me through teaching others.

I have had the opportunity to share theology with my students they've never heard. I've invested in their lives, and they have ministered to me. We have laughed, and now, we have cried together. They have pointed out many of my oddities - kept lists of out-of-context and somewhat off-color quotes - challenged my conclusions - blessed me mightily.

I didn't know that day Dr. Krause asked me to apply for a full-time position that I would leave here so attached - I love these people.

For all the messiness of ministry, there is inestimable benefit. For all the times I didn't know what to do, when I prayed and begged for wisdom, joy, guidance, patience - the Lord grew me. I see a glimpse of how the sweetest fellowship comes from life-on-life - muddy puddles, mighty storms, sticky situations, humbling ineptitude. I've watched Him mature students. I've watched Him convict lives. I've watched Him transform me - all through His tools - His children.

It will be far harder than I ever expected to say "Happy Summer!" to my students Thursday and Friday. I wanted to watch my Freshmen eventually walk across that stage and smile at them. That will never happen now - but I am so excited to see what God has for each of them. I wish I was part of their stories as their future English teacher, but more than that, I'm so thankful I ever had the opportunity, because without Him, I never would have applied, nevertheless persevered.

Holding Out the Word of Truth

2007-04-16T11:48:00.000-07:00

I have not been as faithful to post lately as I would like, though I have been learning more and more to ETP through home-improvement, a cat who likes to pee on said home-improvement, painting, teaching, grading essays, and dealing with insurance companies (the last item in the list is testing me most right now). I've been meaning to throw this up - it was a passing observation MacArthur makes in Ashamed of the Gospel that hit me pretty hard:

"I fear that an approach emphasizing a palatable gospel presentation within the walls of the church absolves the individual believer from his personal obligation to be a light in the world" (84).

How often have I done this?! Though the number of people I've invited to church is sadly low, the number I've personally shared the gospel with is downright pathetic in comparison. How convicting! This was augmented by my reading in Philippians. Phil. 2:14-16 was one of the earliest verses I remember memorizing, but MacArthur points out in his notes that Paul's command to "hold fast" to the word of life (NKJV) is better rendered "hold out" the word of life. Do I shine like a "star in the universe as I hold out the word of life" (NIV)? No, not like Paul, and nothing like Christ.

How can we NOT share the best story ever written, the sweetest truth ever spoken, the greatest act of love ever performed, the most marvelous of all miracles ever performed - that grace can save the dead?

Young People Should THINK!

2007-03-28T07:17:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been a month since I blogged - goodness! I've been distracted by the ending of Quarters and home improvement projects at my parents', I suppose. Over the past month I have been reading Spurgeon's The Power of the Cross of Christ to better understand, appreciate, and worship Christ's accomplishment and sacrifice. In light of that and SKH's current teaching on Calvinism, I thought this quote very appropriate:

Young people should think. If there is anybody who need not think, it is the old man, whose day is nearly over. But the young have all their life before them. If I were a carpenter and had to make a box, I should not think about it after I had made the box. I should think, before I began to cut my timber, what sort of box it was to be. A young man should think more than anybody else, for now he is, as it were, making his box...A man will consider about taking a wife, he will consider about taking a business, he will consider about buying a horse, but he will not consider about the claims of Christ and the claims of the Most High God. This renders his ignorance willful and inexcusable.

My prayer is that students will ponder, wrestle over, and 'pound scripture' over the challenging theolgoical truths and challenges Calvenism presents - ignorance is simply inexcusable.

A Scientific Old Wive's Tale

2007-02-28T12:30:00.000-08:00

I had the pleasure (in a painful sort of way) of watching NBC's report on the "Jesus Tomb" discovery twice yesterday - my Father kindly recorded it for me, and my husband then watched it on-line. Words escape me when I think of the shoddy logical, archaeological - rational - arguments laced through the documentary and interview.

More than this, though, I have a hypothesis. Paul warns us not to turn aside to old wive's tales, but what if those 'old wives tales' have actually morphed into the 'scientific discoveries' of today? He exhorts, "Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales; rather, train yourself to be godly" in 1 Timothy 4:7. We think this speaks to mythologies, or stories, and I'm sure it does - but false "scientific" rationalism, such as macro-evolution, easily falls into this category, no?

I was amazed the journalist kept saying, "we're just reporting facts." No, you're not - not when you claim that the Acts of Phillip (and prominent New Testament scholars...who are where?) establish that Mariamne was the "real" name of Mary Magdalene. Odd - if you look at the context of this gnostic text (which is missing six of its fifteen chapters, mind you), the only identification we get for this "Mariamne" is that she is the sister of Martha and Lazarus...good job on knowing that's a Mary, you smart journalist, but not Mary Magdalene.

That, however, is a tangent. Lewis recognized we were far more apt to be swept away by Scientism - the belief Science alone reveals truth - than by fairy-tales and make-believe. Sure, your average housewife might indulge in some Romance novels that are destructive and escapist, but it's science almighty and humanism gone rampant that rule our world.

Yet, perhaps Science and make-believe aren't so distinct. At least, both Lewis and Tolkien equated magic with science, for as Lewis says:

The serious magical endeavour and the serious scientific endeavour are twins: one was sickly and died, the other strong and throve…there is something which unites magic and applied science while separating both from the “wisdom” of earlier ages. For the wise men of old the cardinal problem had been how to conform the soul to reality…the solution had been knowledge, self-discipline, and virtue. For magic and applied science alike the problem is how to subdue reality to the wishes of men."

I suppose, then, the Message version of 1 Timothy could perhaps read something like this:

"Watch out for those who worship themselves, their own senses, and their own rationality - who parade the false as fact, and discount the supernatural in favor of crippled Man's own prideful attempt at subjecting nature and creation to himself."

Is Christ Contending With You?

2007-02-18T14:38:00.000-08:00

Spurgeon's Morning Entry for February 18th goes perfectly with both One28's theme for the year, Contending for Christ, and J Sarr's sermon this morning on the importance of trials in proving and refining our faith:

"Show me wherefore thou contendest with me" - Job 10:2

Perhaps, O tried soul, the Lord is doing this to develop your graces. Some of your graces would never be discovered if it were not for your trials...how can you know that you have faith until your faith is exercised?

God often takes away our comforts and our privileges in order to make us better Christians. He trains His soldiers not in tents of ease and luxury, but by turning them out and sending them on forced marches into hard service. He makes them ford through streams, swim through rivers, climb mountains, and walk many long miles with heavy knapsacks of sorrow on their backs. Well, Christian, may not this account for the troubles through which you are passing? Is not the Lord brining out your graces and making them grow? Is this not the reason that He is contending with you?

I post this as a reminder myself to find it all joy when God takes away my comorts and privileges to make me a better Christian, and such is my prayer for all of you.

Philosophy and Narnia

2007-02-14T11:31:00.000-08:00

In light of contending for Christ, I thought this quote was a great reason we should read the Chronicles of Narnia to our children:

"Plato claims it is crucial that we take great care with the tales we tell our young. Convinced that gymnastics, melodic harmonies, and the "music" of fictional tales can mold a person's character, Plato censors even the nursery stories in his city...the younger one is, the slimmer the gap in one's mind between truth and fiction, the more easily one can mistake the illusory for the real...

At first glance, the symbols and imagery of the Narnia Chronicles follow a conservative pattern - a pattern now widely recognized as dangerous to our impressionable young, a pattern that fosters an ideology of war instead of ideals of justice and harmony. The characters of Narnia emerge in stark moral garb - good guys and bad guys, heroes and monsters...

The myth of the primal fall from paradise, a myth common to almost every religious system, has supported a pervasive popular assumption that humans are fundamentally flawed and decadent. This myth...is responsible for a ubiquitous and lingering sense of guilt, loss, and unworthiness that undermines a healthy worldview."

Beasts, Heroes, and Monsters - Wendy Hamblet

Wait, so you mean that the Chronicles of Narnia foster ideas of battling for moral good, the depravity of human nature, the importance of training your mind to value Christ and direct your imagination towards His truth, and the understanding that there is absolute good and evil and we must choose sides? Horror!

Obviously I have gone to the dark side of cyncisim, satire, and mockery - but, as Spurgeon contended, sometimes sarcasm can be used for good. Hamblet's contention that our sense of guilt, loss, and depravity undermines a "healthy world view" is straight from the pit and laced through with Post-Modern, philosophical filth. In contrast, I think this is one of the main reasons we read stories to our children - Lewis called the Chronicles a sort of 'pre-baptism' of the imagination. As children read the Chronicles, they fall in love with Aslan. Lewis hoped when they then encountered Christ they would see Aslan was but a reflection - a sign pointing to the true Savior- and they would transfer that childish love to the one who truly did sacrifice for them and is the ultimate King.

Jr. High Inferno

2007-01-26T12:14:00.000-08:00

When my wonderful husband asked me how Wednesday night went, I said - I think I lived through one level of Hell that Dante forgot to include. Now, ignoring the fact that I've never read Dante's Inferno (insert mild aghast gasping), this was a harsh thing to say. I repent of that anger and frustration. My girls know they have things to work on, and strapping seven of them into a Suburban for one hour revealed some heart issues - perhaps a good tactic. But the point is this: we are commanded to look only to Christ, so wouldn't the antithesis of this be looking only to ourselves?

C.S. Lewis described Hell as an unwinking, constant gnawing upon Self. When you think about it - if Heaven is all about knowing Christ and glorifying our God, and if He removes His influence from Hell, wouldn't this be the case? Trapped in ourselves, in our own selfishness, with no hope of anything else - what is there outside of ourselves that offers joy except God and His Blessings?

So, I told my class at PSCC that working with Jr. High Girls could be a great evangelistic tool. Really, any group would work, but girls in this age-range have an amazing propensity for being mean and self-obsessed (well, we all do - perhaps we hide it better as we get older). If people spent time with those so stuck on themselves they couldn't even see they were stuck on themselves, wouldn't that terrify sinners enough - though a pitiful and brief glance at Hell - to repent?

P.S. I really love my Jr. High girls - this is just what I've been pondering lately. :)

Anti-Resolution

2007-01-04T15:04:00.000-08:00

I usually don't go in for resolutions - perhaps because it's too "what everyone else is doing" rebellious of me. This year, though, it seems God was trying to get my attention, from SKH mentioning it - to Micah last night - to the Holy Spirit bringing it to mind often in the past few months. I call it an anti-resolution because it's actually a resolution not to do anything, but to wait.

Waiting in Stillness:
SKH spoke to this in passing, but he encouraged students to wait upon the Lord. To stop doing, moving, thinking, planning, and just wait - in silence - quietly. I desire to meditate more, to feed upon His Word and store it up in my heart...and then be quiet and still my wandering, frantic thoughts.

Waiting in Time:
God's plans are perfect, but I like to try and (I somehow think) speed them up. I'm so sinful and self-reliant when it comes to waiting on God's timing and plans. I've realized this year is very much about waiting - waiting to see where Andy gets into a Masters in Teaching Program, where he gets a job, house building/buying, having kids...the list goes on. As everyone around me has babies, and I desire that for myself and Andy, I here God say, "wait. Trust me." We as Christians have to STOP looking to and living in the future (or the past)! My life will not be complete when I can paint rooms the color I want, or have children, or garden all day or write a book - it will be complete when I'm with Christ, and my life is joyful each day as I rely on Him!

Waiting on Him:
Micah's sermon was such an encouragement to me - I truly believe Christ will come again and I long for that, but not with an immediacy. I figure too many generations that have seen far worse times that we have (World War II, for instance - the French and American revolutions), so why should He come now? But why not? We don't fully understand the prophecies or how they will be fulfilled. Why couldn't the clouds roll back tomorrow afternoon and my Savior and King take me home?

I post this so you can all help hold me accountable. I am not patient. I'm a control freak and a planner. I struggle to find my joy in Christ alone, each moment - and though I think we are to rejoice in the good plans God has for us, we need to rejoice in the One who makes the plans, not the plans themselves. I want to LOVE trusting in and waiting on the Lord.

Moral Imagination

2006-12-13T08:37:00.000-08:00

I'm teaching a Literature Elective at PSCC on the Chronicles of Narnia in the Spring, and thus have been reading a lot (perhaps too much) on Lewis, imagnation, fantasy, etc. The question constantly revolves in my mind as I teach through courses: what is the worth of Fantasy? Both Lewis and Tolkien argued that Fantasy specifically awakens a desire for something more - something outside of our everyday existence. *If* this drives people towards Christ, it is a marvelous tool - but if it can satiate that desire through the text itself, it is dangerous. I suppose this is how all things, especially dealing with the imagination, work. I also have students ask me: how do I glorify God with my imagination? I don't know if I have an answer, but here is an interesting quote:

"Imagination is either refined or corrupted in the course of a human being's maturation and growth...to some it might seem that the important question is whether imagination is waxing or waning in society. But this is not the issue. Wherever there are human beings imagination exists and is exercised, much as wherever there are spiders webs are spun. The important question that needs to be brought up is what kinds of imagination our contemporary culture encourages." - Vigen Guroian

I think our contemporary culture encourages weak, self-centered, twisted, and lustful imagination. Many fans of fantasy and fairy-tale contest that, fairy tales specifically, teach children the right kind of wonder. They meld morals with imagination and emphasize consequences for actions. Interesting stuff. One of my students postulated that the less "you" there is in your imaginative output, and the more God, the better. I suppose it all comes back to the heart: WHY do you create? I do think we must train and refine children's imaginations because, ultimately, our faith is a melding of imagination, reason, will - all of us. It's not just about knowing the right stuff, it's about imagining the right things, too.

Blasphemies

2006-11-28T08:38:00.000-08:00

I've been reading Brian Boynahan's "God's Bestseller," a biography of William Tyndale's life and Thomas More's hunt for him. A few things have impressed me about Tyndale (and, for that matter, most of the reformers):

1) These men were committed to truth above all else, and political-correctness was the furthest thing from their minds. Tyndale was full of wit, inventing words like "bishap" - a cross between "bishop" and "mishap," and stating how Cardinal Wosley was "Wolfsee" and would die after his physician gave him a purgative. Where would these men stand now in our time of unity and love? I don't like Tudor vulgarity, of which Shakespeare was a later product - but you have to appreciate their honesty and fight.

2) Tyndale, and Luther for that matter, translated the Bible with a passionate, earthy prose rooted in the vernacular. King James would standardize Tyndale's translation (ironically) shortly after Tyndale's death, and although the committee used much of Tyndale's work, it's interesting to note some places where they and modern translators differ. One I particularly love is Tyndale's translation of 1 Peter 1:23:

"The word of God, which liveth and lasteth forever." Look at the alliteration of liveth and lasteth, and the beautiful cadence and active verbs. Truly, the Word lives and lasts! Compare this to more modern translations, like the New English Bible:

"The live, permanent word of the living God." Here you lose the immediacy and the allusion Christ himself as the Word, who lives and lasts forever.

Tyndale's work has a clarity and vibrancy - take Acts 3:8 where Peter heals the lame man: the man "sprange, strode and also walked, and entered with them into the temple, walkynge and leapynge and laudynge god." (The man sprang, strode, and also walked, and entered with them into the temple walking, leaping, and lauding God).

3) I'm amazed at God's orchestration of every bit of history - Tyndale was educated at Oxford and steeped in rhetoric, so he understood poetic structure and loved languages. Tyndale's request for a patron (that was denied) drove him to Luther, and a drought in England the year after Tyndale first published his work in Worms forced more imports from the Continent to London, allowing for a surge of Bible-running. From education down to rainfall, God certainly works ALL things for His glory and our good!

4) Finally, I am convicted - as I was at SR05 - with how dearly men and women paid simply to have the New Testament or a few pages of Matthew in English. We hear much of the great "witch hunts," and historians decry the Salem Witch trials which perhaps burned less than a dozen people, but we never study or hear about the scores of individuals burned at the stake simple for owning one of Luther's pamphlets or a scrap of John's epistle. Is God's Word so precious to me that I would burn at the stake - my death taking as long as 45 minutes - to read it? Do I treasure it?

I know so little of the Word - I must treasure it and memorize it - I see our World progressing towards dogmatic hatred of truth. Yet they think, in their humanist pride, they know the truth! This is like Thomas More, who said of Luther and Tyndale that they "corrupted and changed [the Bible] from the good and wholesome doctrine of Christ to the devilish heresies of their own." More and Wolsey, and so many others, thought they were fighting the good fight - but they were wrong. They burned Bibles often...I wonder when this will start happening to us, and if we will fight.

Seeing in a Mirror Darkly

2006-11-11T21:48:00.000-08:00

Much has been going on over the past few days - the Quarter is racing to a close, I'm trying to be supportive (which seems to easily equal nagging) to Andy as he slogs through a very heavy work-load for school, and on Wednesday my Grandmother (my Dad's mother) passed away. It seems to have affected me in a number of ways - first, we don't know if she was saved or not. There is always a hope that she turned to Christ in the end, or her avowal that she did know Christ as Lord and Savior was genuine. But her death hit me harder than my other grandparents' - perhaps because now I'm old enough, but also because there is no joy or firm rejoicing. We don't know where she went, and my greatest sadness is that she heard Christ tell her, "I never knew you."

When we are surrounded by brothers and sisters and they are called home, we rejoice though miss them. I think I have missed the gravity of death - the consequences of unbelief are beyond horrific. It's so easy to get comfortable - it's also difficult to trust. My parents prayed for my Grandmother's salvation - they were faithful to share over the years - I had prayed for her, and yet it seems our prayers went unanswered. I've had different (and better) answers than I expected and I've had times of waiting, but this is different. My brain often complicates things - it wrestles with things it can't understand. How can a good God condemn my Grandmother to Hell? Yet, at the same time, I know she is responsible for her sin and her own hard heart. I take comfort from Exodus, where though God hardens Pharaoh's heart, just as many times Pharaoh hardens his own. I cannot know or understand where God's sovereignty and Man's responsibility meet - as Spurgeon would say, "only on the anvil of Heaven." Yet as my heart and my head have battled with each other over the past few days, and been humbled by my own immaturity and pride, I have been comforted by some Puritan prayers:

Who can fathom immeasurable love?
As far as the rational soul exceeds the senses,
so does the spirit exceed the rational in its knowledge of thee.
You have given me understanding to compass the Earth,
measure the sun, moon, stars, universe,
but above all to know thee, the only true God.
I marvel that the finite can know the Infinite,
Here a little, afterwards in full-orbed truth.

*

You have taught me
That faith is nothing else than receiving your kindness;
That it is an adherence to Christ, a resting on Him;
Love clinging to Him as a branch to a tree...
I thank you for showing me the vast difference
between knowing things by reason,
And knowing them by the spirit of faith.

I'm the first one to encourage students to struggle with and wrestle through difficult theological issues. But sometimes I need to lay aside my need to understand and take comfort in "knowing things by the spirit of faith" and not simply my puny reason. Sometimes I must trust, let it go, and rest in truths that God is God - someday I will see full-orbed truth - faith, imagination, and reason will be fused perfectly - the objective and subjective joined - and I will see things clearly instead of in a mirror darkly.

Moses and Buddha - who knew?

2006-10-24T09:11:00.000-07:00

Last night Puget Sound Christian College hosted a night at the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit at the Pacific Science Center. The night started well - driving down together to The Continental, a wonderful Greek restaurant on the Ave in the U-District that has been run by the same family for two or three generations. My parents used to go there a lot when my Dad was working on his PhD at the UW, and the current owner, who still recognizes my parents, was in college when they first got married!

The exhibit itself was very interesting and well done. I learned a lot about Qumran, the ancient city near where the caves/scrolls were discovered. I was saddened by the Essenes' incredible commitment to ritual purity - almost to the point they were enslaved to it and missed the heart. Though there weren't many of the scrolls themselves, we did see a number of the real fragments. The most staggering was seeing a little piece of Genesis and realizing I had just read that same verse a few mornings ago! God is so amazing - He has preserved His word perfectly for us to read! It's absolutely staggering.

Unfortunately, on our way to the gift store we were routed through the "politically correct room," or as I liked to call it, "the heretical room." As you're leaving this amazing room full of the oldest known written texts of the Bible you're met with illuminated texts from the Middle Ages (okay...cool...), and then Buddhist writings and parts of the Koran. I was pretty steamed. Another evidence of the Post-Modern corruption of life. Do those writings have ANYTHING to do with the Dead Sea Scrolls? If they had an exhibit of Buddhist scrolls found in some lake somewhere, would they feel the necessity to include the Christian Bible at the end for 'balance' and 'fairness?' I think not. I asked one of my students if he has a lighter so I can burn the heretics...then I thought better. Andy was thankful for that.

I Need Your Help!

2006-10-17T09:37:00.000-07:00

One: God is so good! On Monday at PSCC I was encouraging my 101 students to read intellectually challenging books (maybe even those assigned by their professors!) instead of using them to prop up their desks. As we're discussing that, and knowing the gospel, the relationship of prayer to God's sovereignty, and if ghosts are real (amongst other things - welcome to my English class), one of the guys looked right at me and said, "Mrs. Bowers, I don't know the Gospel. What is it?" I almost laughed - after SKH's sermon on Sunday, this helps show me that God not only has some sort of sense of humor, but He also dumped the opportunity in my lap: "Here! I'm giving you a chance! Do you know the Gospel?" How amazing! Some of our Basketball players haven't grown up in the church or really had any experience with Christianity - so it was a unique opportunity.

Second: As I challenged my students to read more stimulating books other than Warren and Eldredge, they all asked: can you give us a list? Many books came to mind, but I want to develop a "Top 25" list to give them. They don't all have to be "The Death of Death" - some might be "The Master's Plan for Evangelism," but I wanted your input before I give them the list. If you had someone ask you, "what five books should I read (other than the Bible, of course), that would be fundamental to my understanding of Christianity/Theology?" This could also read: "What five books have impacted you the most in your walk?" If you have more than five, write them all down!

Thanks you smart and wonderful people!

Leila

Slackers, Boulders, and Chickens

2006-09-30T20:03:00.000-07:00

I have always loved the Barnts family. I've been blessed to have Lizzie and now Katherine in my small group, and today I enjoyed spending time with them and Barbara (yay Barbara!) in some sweet fellowship working with clay, rocks, a Kubota, and rakes. Over and above liking all the Barnts, I've also appreciated their work ethic and soft hearts. (By the way, Sarah, Katherine, and Lizzie could put some of our wussy One28 "I don't want to carry the chairs" boys to shame! Those girls are tough! And they can drive a tractor!). I've wondered, how is it that all these children are such hard workers? How are people taught the value of sheer hard labor? As Mr. Barnts and I were raking some rocks into the Kubota, he said, "you work hard - must have been all those years on the farm, right?" And I thought, right. That is what it was.

Where has this gone? I was pondering that on the drive home as I tried to stay awake. I think a big reason is living in the city, with no land, being bored, and never feeling the "there is always something to be done around here." Perhaps this, paired with highly disfunctional families who can't talk together, nevertheless work or eat together, has created a mass of slothful slackers who meander about shopping malls and whine when their foolishness meets with bad grades in my class.

Then I considered, maybe the work-ethic has simply been redirected, in many cases, into sports. I thought - this could be a good thing. There are many sports players out there who, growing up in the city, have funneled their energy and determination into training and are typically rewarded for it.

But there is the difference. Sports fuel your work-ethic because they offer prizes - incentives. They happily wave the carrots of winning, success, scholarships, prestige, "coolness," fancy cars, maybe a pro-contract, and attention from the opposite sex. The list goes on and on - and it's pretty sweet.

What is the profit in raking leaves, or cleaning horse stalls, or taking wheelbarrow after wheelbarrow of dirt from the side of a hill to a dip in your pasture? What is the reward for cleaning bunny cages, feeding chickens before the sun is up, stacking hay bales, or creating rock walls? There is no illustrious, material prize for these actions - but there is greater worth. Accomplishment. Enjoying the process. Serving your family. Working together for survival, food, shelter, and improvement.

I wish more kids had property to grow up on and endless projects. I wish they all learned to care for animals and grow in the responsibility that another being is dependent on you. The consequences to not feeding a horse or leaving the gate open are far worse than failing to look at a syllabus or do the dishes. I wish every one of my girls had blisters on their hands, some muscles born of work instead of the gym, and a grim determination to push on when it's no longer fun or comfortable - just because. Just because God called us to do all things our very best and to His glory - even raking clay mounds out of the Barnts' future front lawn. When it comes down to it, the rewards are far richer when a family and small group are built through selfess service than when a team comes together to win the State championship. You wouldn't know it by what our World values, but you would certainly know it from the example set by our Savior.

England Pictures

2006-09-23T08:23:00.000-07:00

This is the reading room in the center of the British Museum. It used to be surrounded by stacks of books on the outside, but they moved all that to the British Library, and now it's just an open courtyard - but you can still see the Reading Room, which is incredible! My dad actually had a desk next to Darwin's - though, of course, not when Darwin himself was sitting there. My Dad isn't that old, but it is his birthday on Sunday, so you should all tell him "Happy Birthday!"

This is one of the oldest grape plants in England, or maybe the world. All I know is it's really cool and I want one.

This is a fountain in the formal gardens of Hampton Palace.

This is Hampton Palace, Henry VIII's palace with a few of his different and assorted wives.

Man's Desiring

2006-09-13T21:43:00.000-07:00

J. Sarr asked an absolutely essential question on Sunday morning when he reviewed Proverbs 2: What do you treasure? This question has often come to mind over the past few days, and I admit the first thing I always think of is:

Myself. I spend a lot of time with myself - I think I'm pretty great, considering I am far too easily offended when someone doesn't respect me (perhaps a student), or compliment me (my husband) when I think I deserve it.

My husband. I really treasure Andy - I long to spend time with him. But am I quick enough to tell him the things I treasure? Does love cover a multitude of sin, or am I knit-picky? Do I remind myself of all the good things God has given me in Andy, or do I find faults first, grace second? Do I have the same thirst and desire to spend one-on-one time with Christ, my ultimate bridegroom?

My friends. I'm amazingly blessed - I treasure seeing God working in their lives. Knowing someone over many years and seeing them mature is such a praise to God!

My books. I love to learn new things. I get very excited when I see all the books on our shelf I have yet to read - "The Cost of Discipleship," "God's Passion for His Glory," "After Darkness," etc. But I was wondering, is loving knowledge the same thing as loving wisdom? Am I pursuing wisdom because I love God and want to know Him, or to be smart?

There are more things I treasure; students (most of the time...;), gardening, horses, music, my parents and family. But the question "what do you treasure?" compliments John MacArthur's point in "Hard to Believe." He argues that you can tell a Christian not so much by what they do or say, but what they desire. What they treasure. What do you want? When J.Sarr asked - what you would have asked from God had you been Solomon? - my first thought was faith. I often echo the words, "I believe! Help my unbelief!" I would love to have more faith. I would love to see students in One28 and PSCC saved and thirsting for truth.

This morning Spurgeon had a good point that tied in well to such thoughts, and it goes something like this:

Your Lord is very jealous of your love, believer. Did He choose you? He cannot bear that you should choose another. Did He buy you with His own blood? He cannot endure that you should think that you are your own or that you belong to this world. He loved you with such a love that He would not stop in heaven without you; He would sooner die than see you perish. He cannot endure anything standing between your heart's love and Himself...He cannot bear that you should hew out broken cisterns, when the overflowing fountain is always free to you. When we lean on Him, He is glad; but when we transfer our dependence to another, when we rely on our own wisdom or the wisdom of a friend - worst of all, when we trust in any works of our own - He is displeased and will chasten us so that He may bring us to Himself.

There should be NO ONE with whom we converse so much as with Jesus...to prefer the society of our fellow Christians to intimate time with Him; this is grievous to our jealous Lord.

Do you prefer to society of Christ to everyone else? Do you treasure Him? Wisdom? Love? Where do your treasures lie? What do you desire, and what does that say about you?

Jars are back

2006-09-08T21:49:00.000-07:00

Tony Kevin reminded me that Jars of Clay's new CD was out, and so I scampered over to Trader Joes and Christian Supply to buy my own copy. The first Jars of Clay CD was one of two Christian CD's I bought after God seriously got my attention the summer before 8th grade, the other being Steven Curtis Chapman's "Signs of Life" (perhaps his best CD other than "Declaration," or maybe his latest is the best... he's SCC and makes amazing music, period).

I haven't heard the last two songs on "Good Monsters," but I love this CD. I almost ventured to tell my husband it was as good as their first - which means a lot coming from someone who has practically worn a hole in the CD, has "Child" for her ring tone, and remembers lying on her face on the floor listening to "Worlds Apart" and weeping. Yet I agree with one reviewer from itunes who argues that Jars could only create this CD after years together and much spiritual growth. The depth here is amazing - the songs grip your heart, even when you have to ponder the words a bit. "All My Tears" almost brought me to tears - what a way to focus your mind on things above! I told Andy to play it at my funeral.

All of that to say, for those (like me) who lost heart a bit with the Jars boys, in this CD they're back. This is deep, meaty, and truthful. Listen to the songs - they will challenge you. They're both haunting and hopeful - they wrestle, but they praise.

A Few More Pictures

2006-09-04T22:23:00.000-07:00

I've finally figured out how to find and upload pictures from my husband's Mac...right...I'll avoid any comments on that front. Here are more pictures, with hopefully more to come (check out our flickr site, too).

Venice! Enough said.

We got to visit a farm where they make genuine parmeggiano reggiano. It takes a lot of time, elbow grease, and dedication - but the resulting cheese is wonderful. This is where they store the cheese in brine, and it smelled heavenly.

We visited a large Etruscan museum in Volterra and saw many of these. The Etruscans cremated their deceased and, if they were rich, put them in richly decorated square urns. The lids were carved like this one, though it was rare to see a married couple depicted and buried together.

This is an Etruscan horse bit - the mouthpiece looks just like a bit I own! The artistry is amazing. The Etruscans pre-date the Romans, dating to around 5th-6th century BC.

More Pictures

2006-08-29T19:09:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of two members of one contrada. There are 19 contradas in Sienna that used to be military regiments, but now you are baptized into them (wierd, huh?). They act like secondary families, with members caring for widows, etc. In Sienna twice a year they run the palio. It used be for easing tensions between the regiments - now, it's for fun and honor (they cry over this thing). They dump a bunch of sand into the main square, rope off the middle, and then jockeys ride bareback twice around the square. 9 contradas race in June, and another 9 in August. In all, the race lasts only about two minutes, but it's preceded by a week of festivities and flag throwing and drumming.

Here is the square - on the day of the race people pile into the middle and have to stay there (no bathroom breaks) until the race in the early evening. You can see the sand track in the lower part of the picture. All the contradas have different colors and animal representatives - the snail, the owl, the turtle, the dragon...I thought the dragon seemed the best option for inspiring speed.

This is the inside of the duomo in Volterra. It was my favorite church, although the one in Sienna was beautiful, too. It's very much Gothic, and the attention to detail is just incredible. Though all the different paintings and sculptures that focused on man irritated us - and the emphasis on Mary - the incredible quality and craftsmanship were amazing.

This is the outside of the duomo - very typical for duomos we saw throughout Italy. "Chiesa" is the word for church in Italian, but "duomo" means main, centralized church. They are beautiful, though usually their size and beauty came from different patrons' power bids to one-up each other versus devotion to God.

Flightless in Seattle! Sorta..

2006-08-25T09:17:00.000-07:00

Hey all! After countless hours in security lines, check-in lines, baggage lines, and just simply waiting on the tarmac, we're HOME! There is nothing quite so wonderful as looking out the window and seeing beautiful mountains, a setting sun, and huge bodies of water. I think it must be a snapshot of what our souls will feel when we're finally, truly home.

I'll publish more later, especially when I figure out how to post more pictures. The top picture is for SKH...

Blogging from Italy!

2006-08-15T23:42:00.000-07:00

Ciao i miei amici americani! I have finally found the time and the computer and the wireless connection to blog! Yay! I am typing on an Italian keyboard, which apparently means I cannot do conjunctions because they look like this (canÃ t)...So this will be in proper English.

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. I will try to get some pictures posted tomorrow, perhaps, when we will have the afternoon here at the villa to hang out and rest. The last few days have been a real whirlwind!

We arrived in Rome the day after all the airports in England shut down. We got to the airport about five hours early and could only take on our wallets and passports in a clear plastic bag - no books! We then got into Rome late in the afternoon and wandered about and ate gelato, my new favorite thing ever. Well, maybe all food Italian falls into that category now. We had an Early Christianity tour, which was really fun - old churches circa Peter and Paul, the catacombs (SO cool!), and some other things. I learned a lot, though it was sad that our tour guide was, if anything, highly gnostic. We kept asking her about Biblical links - for example, in 3rd c. Mosaics they depict a lot of doves, and I asked if that represented the Holy Spirit - she said that was much later, and I was like...well...that depiction is in the Bible...it would have been so sweet to have found a sister here, but the hypocrisy of Rome is overwhelming, and cynicism and gnosticism - or just blatant hedonism - seem to be the norm.

The next day we toured the coliseum, which is amazing - interestingly, we always picture Christians being martryed in thecoliseumm under Nero, but it actually was not built until after Nero died - they destroyed his palace and party lake to build it. We also saw the Forum, which is a lot of old rocks built by a lot of different emperors over a long period of time - most of them are in big piles. I did learn that Brutus was actually Julius Caesars illegitimate son - yikes!

I will post more about Tuscany tomorrow, which has been so good for my heart after the bustle and idolatry of Rome - after I had seen just a few churches, I was overwhelmed with all the human trappings of Catholicism. I began to understand Luther a little more. It just hurts my soul when I watch people devoutly kneeling in these cathedrals to the crucifix or Mary, and I see all the junk of tradition and man-centered thought, and I hate it. Tuscany was a breath of fresh air, thought I have to say in all Italy will leave me with a lasting sense of what it really means to be "un straniera" - a stranger and an alien.

I realize that being a stranger in this land (thank you DC Talk) involves everything about you. It is an interesting thought - does everything about you mark you as being different? Your clothes, your style, your speech, your thoughts, your personality, how you relate to others? Everything about me, even the way I walk or laugh, mark me as an American. I wonder if it also marks me as a Christian?

Thank you for your continued prayers. We got three bags yesterday, but my moms bag is still missing with all her clothes and such, seven days into our vacation! Yet God is so good, as I am reminded as Andy reads through Job. That, and it is always a good excuse to shop! We send all our love and miss you all very, very much.

Flightless in London

2006-08-10T04:29:00.000-07:00

This is just a quick update - my parents, Andy, and myself are currently stuck in London. The flights went well, but we landed in London basically because we didn't have enough fuel to turn back for the USA once the terrorist alert was placed early in the morning in Britain. We spent about four hours in Heathrow trying to figure out what to do - we are hoping beyond hope that 1) our 2pm flight for Rome tomorrow (Friday) will fly out, and 2) our luggage will be on it. We had the opportunity to check through all of our luggage to Rome (and were rather excited about it at the time), so now it's stuck somewhere on a British Airline luggage cart. We don't know when we will get it...

But God is good! He is in charge, even of this, and His plans are the very best - far better than ours. This definitely was not part of our envisioned vacation - but who knows - it means we might get a road trip to southern Britain and a ferry ride to Paris. Hey, I've never been to France before! Who knows what the future holds! I would much rather be stuck in a hotel room in Britain than flying in a plane with bombs.

Please keep us and all of the UK in your prayers - things are tense here, especially with the country on critical alert. We love you all and miss you :).

Andremo in Italia!

2006-08-03T12:38:00.000-07:00

Andy, myself, and my parents will be flying out to Italy on Wednesday the 9th - leaving my parents' house around 5:15am (yay!). Then it's a nice flight to JFK Airport, and then a nice flight to London, and then a nice flight to Rome. I am super, super excited. I have always loved Italy, Andy has taken at least two courses on it, my parents love Italy, and I studied the language for two and a half years at the UW. I'm hoping that between my Dad's knowledge of Italian (he learned it in Ethopia, it's a fun story, ask him sometime), my knowledge, and Andy's understanding of Latin (I can see his excitement now at being able to read inscriptions on really old stones), we'll make our way quite well.

We are spending three nights in Rome, taking an Antiquities tour (i.e. the colosseum), and then a six-hour Early Christianity tour through places like the catacombs. I'm sure we'll likewise see the Vatacan Museum (I have to, as Sarah Z. told me to hunt down a statue for her) and I'll eat a LOT of Gelato (molto buono!).

Then it's off to Tuscany for about six days where we get to stay in a Villa, and rent a car (my dad's driving, not to worry!), and visit places like Sienna and Florence (Florenzia), and see the Medici Palace and super cool stuff like that. Then it's three days in Venice (A pound of Flesh!), traveling the water-ways, then one night in Milan (Olympics' site), and then two nights in London. There will be sufficient time for Andy to get lost in the British Museum and the Tower of London - don't worry, I'll rescue him from there - and for me to stock up on British tea. I think that's about 15 days, give or take, and then we'll be back - I'll try to blog and post pictures as we go, but rest assured that, Lord willing, we shall return a bit tanner and considerably more plump for our stay. After all, as my Dad loves to say - "only the Italians really know how to eat!"

Humility

2006-07-28T08:53:00.000-07:00

I've begun reading C.J. Mahaney's Humility, which has caused me to reflect back on Icthus. Life-on-life with ten to twelve Jr. High girls for almost four days can definitely refine you in new and...stretching ways. I knew going in my patience would be tested, and I'm so thankful for everyone praying for Icthus and me, because I had far more God-give patience than I ever could have manufactured on my own.

Yet I did get annoyed. I also got annoyed with my wonderful girls on our movie night - who knew you could chatter through around four hours of movie-watching? I'm amazed they have all of the Princess Diaries 1 and 2 memorized, yet can't seem to memorize a few lines in Romans. I don't know how to handle annoyance - I reason that I am annoyed with individual's sin, which is true, but am I irritated with it because it's sin, or because it's causing me to suffer (which is, ultimately, about me and prideful). So I'm excited about reading Mahaney's book.

I leave you with a few quotes from him that struck me this morning. I've often heard humility defined as "not thinking less about yourself, but thinking about yourself less." There is truth there, perhaps, but I like Mahaney's better: "Humility is honestly assessing ourselves in light of God's holiness and our sinfulness."

A few more thoughts from Edwards and Calvin: "the pleasures of humility are really the most refined, inward, and exquisite delights in the world," (Edwards) and "it is evident that man never attains to a true self-knowledge until he has previously contemplated the face of God, and come down after such contemplation to look into himself" (Calvin).

So I ask you the (convicting) question Mahaney asks: "When it comes to the values we live by, what will others say about us one day? Will they testify that humility characterized our lives?"

Rings & Restoration

2006-07-25T10:24:00.000-07:00

Since it has been awhile, here is a quote to chew on by Chesterton. It comes from his essay "Magic and Fantasy in Fiction":

Good miracles, the acts of the saints and heroes, are always acts of restoration. They give the victim back his personality; and it is a normal and not supernormal personality. The miracle gives back his legs to the lame man; but it does not turn him into a large centipede.

There runs through the whole [fantasy] tradition the idea that black magic is that which blots out or disguises the true form of a thing; while white magic, in a good sense, restores it to its own form and not another.

Good fantasy writers capture this truth profoundly - recognizing one's place and humbly accepting it allows people to remain themselves. When Galadriel in The Fellowship of the Ring refuses Frodo's offer of the One Ring, she states "I will remain Galadriel." When Sam denies the temptations of the ring, he recognizes that he is but one small hobbit with hands large enough for a small garden, not an empire. It is his love for Frodo and his 'plain hobbit sense' that keep Sam, Sam. Conversely, you have individuals like Gollum, the Ringwraiths, and the Mouth of Sauron whose identities are sucked into the ego of Sauron - even their names are eradicated and replaced instead by obsessive, slavish mindlessness.

In terms of how this relates to us, ultimately the power, grace, and mercy of God alone restores us. It gives us an identity that we lost in the fall - Beloved of God. We gain the position of friend and child instead of foe and enemy. God promises restoration to those who confess Christ as Lord. He is slowly crafting the right 'personality' of his Son's image in us. And someday, we will see ourselves clearly, instead of in a mirror darkly. Yet this good miracle - the one fantasy writers reflect brokenly - requires our response of humility and repentance. It demands we recognize that such incredible power rests solely in the hands of God.

Conversely, Satan destroys us and our unique place with God - he did it with Adam and Eve, and he does it still. The sin of pride binds and chains sinners in darkness. They, much like Gollum, are obsessed, lost, and splintered. Tragically, as they sit in dungeons, they believe they are free. Their happiest moment comes in claiming the idols they obsesses over, but just as Gollum realizes in Mt. Doom, too late they discover that those same idols will destroy them.

At Icthus, I discussed with my Jr. High girls the tension between brokenness over your sin and despair that we are so selfish - even when we try and fight and long not to be - and the promise that He who begun a good work will carry it out to the day of completion. We are being crafted in His image by His power - I am thankful that someday I will be exactly who I am supposed to be in Him, without spot or blemish.

Work Ethic

2006-07-12T17:42:00.000-07:00

This won't be anything academic or even insightful or intelligent, but as World's For Sale has been progressing, I've noticed a few things:

1). My heart isn't in the right place, and I'm pretty sure there are others in a similar situation. World's For Sale isn't always loads of fun, but it is serving one another, the body, and - in light of short-term mission work - SO MANY people we might never know about. Where are our hearts of service? Where is the Christ-like-ness? This is, in many ways, washing others' feet (especially those of you who have had clothing and shoe duty). This is love working itself out in action! But our acts of service are nullified by stinky, self-centered, lazy, hearts.

2). We need some JOY! I was the first one to whine when more (children's) books were unearthed from the masses of boxes. But we need to have some serious JOY in our hearts (and I mean deep down). We have so many people coming in from the community these next few days, and we must shine brightly and honestly. We need to minister to them, even while loading up cars or dealing with grouchy people - to smile, to be excited because this is our chance to minister to a fallen world!

3). We need some work ethic! Everyone needs a rest, and most of you have worked your hardest and your best, but some of you whine, fiddle, fudge, and wander about until we can't find you anymore or don't want to find you anymore. Be self-starters and take some leadership! For those of you who have, you are an encouragement to me and a blessing and delight to our Lord. WORK HARD! Work hard not because we tell you to or under obligation but because, ultimately, if you're folding clothes, pricing teacups, or cleaning rusty table-saws, you are doing it to Christ. You are doing it as service to your Lord and King.

And that demands utter joy, delight, and praise - to echo Pastor Higgins, we need to ENJOY THE PROCESS! :o) For there is much joy in sorting books, cleaning cars, and arranging Christmas decorations. So let's have some ETPing these next few days, remembering that we could be shoveling gravel or building pyramids, instead.

Babylon & Harry Potter

2006-06-27T16:05:00.000-07:00

Seeing the news that J.K. Rowling will likely kill off Harry in the final installment of Harry Potter got me thinking about magic, fantasy, and imagination. Sometime you will have to ask Andy about his hypothesis concerning the ending of Harry Potter (keep in mind he's never read the books, and as I'm explaining the sixth one to him, he says: well, duh. Harry has to die. He's the last Horcrux! Needless to say, I was humbled). I will often jokingly say in my courses that Harry Potter is the Anti-Christ, but I've found a bit of proof to (somewhat) back myself up. I'm currently reading through Isaiah, and chapter 47 talks about the fall of Babylon. Interesting stuff:

In a moment, in one day:
The loss of children, and widowhood.
They shall come upon you in their fullness
Because of the multitude of your sorceries,
For the great abundance of your enchantments. (v. 9)

Stand now with your enchantments
And the multitude of your sorceries... (v.12)

MacArthur notes that, in relationship to Rev. 18:23, the magical practices of Babylon in the past will also characterize the Babylon of the future. This is why I think that books like Harry Potter - and the entire occult/"teen witch" phenomenon - are desensitizing people to the wrong type of 'supernatural' (though it's not supernatural because it's all about man's ability). Thus, when someone shows up claiming to do miraculous and magical things in the End Times (or near them - I always get confused with the Pre-Post-During-Trib-something), it seems we will be far more accepting than, say, the Rationalists of the Enlightenment. It reminds me, once again, that our imaginations are a HUGE battleground in many ways. As Stratford Caldecott says, "the question of imagination has become one of the key issues of our time. We are living in a crisis of culture, which is also a crisis of imagination" (and here I would insert - ultimately a crisis of truth).

I'm still a big fan of fantasy books, but that's because there is a key difference between the Harry Potter magic (really Magick) and something like Tolkien or Lewis, where magic is never "hocus-pocus" but part of the supernatural realm (don't forget that Gandalf is an angel, not a man - technically a Valar - and Aslan is not simply a lion). The magic in Lord of the Rings or Narnia creates - it is essential to understand that. It is supernatural, and it points to the ultimate creative, restorative, and primary power of God (hopefully). It is not for man to dabble in (the Hobbits dislike magic, and they are a sort of idealized, pre-industrial man). NO human in The Chronicles of Narnia has magical abilities (though they might have special gifts given them...should get you thinking allegorically...), and if ever a human (or any being!) attempts to have powers not natural to them - to overstep their bounds - with either Tolkien or Lewis there are catastrophic consequences.

Conversely, Harry Potter's magick (or Sauron's or Saruman's or the White Witch's, to name a few) seeks control. It subverts nature to our desire (i.e. when Harry wants a feather to fly, he states "wingardium leviosa." His desire makes a change in the physical world). This is making us into little gods! God's desire and will changes things, not ours! This is, as Chesterton says, "the abuse of preternatural powers but not supernatural. It was founded on the profound maxim that the devil is the ape of God. Magic was a monkey trick of imitation of the divine functions." Thus the orcs are mockeries - they are a twisted form of creation, because no one and nothing can actually create except God. This evil kind of magick - domination - is about control, power, and pride. It is ultimately twisted and relative - no wonder it appeals to so many. And it is the prevailing magic of Harry Potter - completely relativistic. After all, what exactly is the difference between Harry and Voldemort?

Creative Monkeys

2006-06-19T11:52:00.000-07:00

I've been reading Francis Schaeffer's How Should We Then Live? as part of my summer reading program (also included are Dante's Inferno and Milton's Paradise Lost - books that I have never read which, I'm pretty sure, marks me as just a pretend English person). He is an amazing writer, and this is a must-read for understanding Christianity and History (starting with Greece and moving up through the 1970s). Here is one point of his that I've been musing over (there are probably more to come):

How you use your creativity shows where your heart is! As he writes, "it is not only Christians who can paint with beauty, nor for that matter only Christians who can love or who have creative stirrings." He goes on to echo Tolkien's sentiment that, as beings created in the image of a Creator, one of humanity's distinct traits is creativity (shown in the fact that, though monkeys can throw poop, they certainly cannot sculpt a vase from it). However, the key statement I like from Schaeffer is: "A person's world view ALMOST ALWAYS (emphasis mine) shows through in his creative output."

So the question is: what does your creative output - blogs, songs, poems, writing, painting, drawing - show about your world view? Your view of God? Your love (or lack thereof) of our Savior? Your belief in His sovereignty? Your own place in the Universe? What you value or devalue?

Second, what does the creative output that you intake say about you? About the artists? You all know I love literature, and I've read many a book that isn't "Christian." It has been necessary for my profession, classes, and I've enjoyed them - and I don't regret it (except people like D.H. Lawrence - insert fist shaking and possible monkey behavior mentioned above ). Yet is it truly worthwhile? Are you really measuring song lyrics up against Scripture? Should they really be stuck in your head? I can't picture Jesus listening to Shakira or Pink or whatever - or maybe He wouldn't care. Perhaps it comes down to preference - non-essentials. I do know, however, that He is a consuming fire - that means EVERYTHING. Even what you draw. What you put on your ipod. The doodling on your sermon notes. Even what's on my bookshelf and silly little poems. What about your day-dreaming - the occupations of your imagination? What do your thoughts and creative output and input say about you?

Only a few will get it - but I just realized I'm talking about monkeys again. I need to stop. Really. It's unhealthy. I don't even like monkeys.

Maturation and Sanctification

2006-06-04T15:18:00.000-07:00

As I watched two of my wonderful Jr. High girls no longer be Jr. High girls this afternoon, I was thinking of how difficult it is to pour into someone and then watch them grow up, change, and move on. Everyone who works with youth or teaches certainly feels this - parents also feel the pain of loss when their children get married and move away.

Yet I was thinking how amazing it is that God never has this sensation. Nothing in our lives - not graduating from Kindergarten, watching our family home from the rear-view mirror as we drive away to college, saying goodbye to an old friend - none of those things create nostalgia for God. He is using all these things to bring us to where we are finally home and complete. There will never be a time we must wave goodbye to our Heavenly Father and 'go out on our own.' There is only a future moment where we can finally rest in knowing that never again will we mourn, regret, or idealize the past or vest all of our hope in future accomplishments. We will be grown. We will be mature. We will see our goals, dreams, visions, and motivation swallowed up in Christ.

I suppose this all ties into my thankfulness as I've watched my girls becoming more complete in Christ. Oddly enough, the way I've known they're growing is that they are sad, broken, frustrated, angry, and wrestling with things. It has all reminded me that even if I have to let go, God never will, and He delights in using every situation to bring us to maturity and to the point where we will never 'move on' or 'grow up' anymore.

And He is so faithful to sanctify us. To my girls - He's crafting you into the very vase, pot, bowl - vessel - He wants you to be (note: it might not be the one you want to be right now, but it's definitely the best). It all has a purpose. I was blown away at His faithfulness to craft and sanctify us on Friday. I got into a conversation with one of my EvCC students on Evolution. He asked me, "so, you don't believe in Evolution?" And I said, "No!" His response was, "Huh, I always thought you were so objective." (Translation = I thought you were intelligent; I guess I was wrong). Now, I've had this conversation with many people in the past, and it usually leads to 1) elevated blood pressure, 2) the desire to hurt something, and 3) pride that I know more than someone else about what they believe.

And I just sat there, explained to him my position (including the silliness of Intelligent Design) and the foolishness of thinking your itty bitty intellect could subjugate the Universe and its design and origin to your fallen logic...and then smiled and encouraged him to ask questions. I smiled? I didn't hurt him? I didn't begin gnashing teeth? I didn't set fire to the nearest Biology book I could find? No, and then he left, and I prayed for him! I prayed? For him?! The power of the Holy Spirit is AMAZING, and He's working in all of us to bring us home. To see us without ANY spot or blemish and, only because of His work in our lives, say "well done, good and faithful servant."

Chestertonism #3 - Education

2006-05-17T15:36:00.000-07:00

My husband's conversation with Lover by Blood last night about education reminded me of this great quote by Chesterton first printed in "Education by Fairy Tales" in the December 2, 1905 edition of The Illustrated London News. Here he speaks to the purpose of education:

How strange it is, then, that we should so constantly think of education as having something to do with such things as reading and writing! Why, real education consists in having nothing to do with such things as reading and writing. It consists, at the least, of being independent of them...the only object of education it to make us ignore mere schemes of education.

Without education we are in a horrible and deadly danger of taking educated people seriously. The latest fads of culture, the latest sophistries of anarchism will carry us away if we are uneducated: we shall not know how very old are all the new ideas (Ecclesiastes, anyone...?).

The uneducated man will always care too much for complications, novelties, the fashion, the latest thing. The uneducated man will always be an intellectual dandy. Education demands us to know, as Arnold said, all the best literatures, all the best arts, all the best national philosophies. Education commands us to know them all that we may do without them all.

I know the last line is a paradox - but Chesterton reveled in them, and so do I. It is, and always will be, my encouragement to EVERYONE, even those who hate school, to attend college. I know there are exceptions to this. There are also bad reasons to attend college: I want to earn more money, become a "real person," get a good job, be "educated," there is nothing better to do, or I need a mate.

No, I encourage education because something happens within the collegiate arena that refines your mind - you must buffet your senses to measure things of the past and present against Scripture - you meet people you don't agree with - you meet people who are hard to love - you are hated for what you believe (even at Christian schools!) - you must battle through the muck of the world much like a runner attaches weights to their shoes in practice. It grounds your character, it teaches discipline, it helps you grow up, it shows areas of strength and weakness, it equips you to be a better spouse and parent (I think). But most importantly and paradoxically, education shows you how foolish education is.

Google Trends

2006-05-11T12:51:00.000-07:00

Google just launched a new search engine called "google trends" (I'm sure you computer-junkies already know this, but I just discovered it). If you're looking to waste a few moments of valuable critical thinking time pondering the "who's who" of search land, test it out. For example, it will show you the 'trend' of searches on certain items/people, and then who did the most searching. Case in point:

C.S. Lewis: searches on Lewis peaked in late 2005, with the release of TLWW from Disney - and most of the searching comes from Salt Lake City (anyone care to interpret this?!).

Starbucks: Most searches are done from Seattle (astounding, I know), followed closely by Pleasanton (pleasant-what?).

Pugs: Seattle also tops the list for this horribly ugly yet snuggly pet (oddly, Phoenix is #2 in searching for Hermit Crabs. Perhaps they remind them of water? The ocean? "I've got, ocean front property in Arizona...")

John Calvin: the most searches for Calvin are launched from Minneapolis

Lost: Manchester, England takes the cake, though Seattle puts in a good bid at number 10.

Nose picking: peaked in 2004 (searching, not doing), mostly by people from New York.

Finally, to my chagrin, there are NO AMERICAN cities that make the list for searching "grammar." Cheers for New Zealand, the United Kingdom, and Australia. Sheesh. Yet, we dominate the top 10 in searching for "farting."

I am ashamed.

Love Conquers...Nothing

2006-05-09T11:47:00.000-07:00

Andy and I watched "Tristan and Isolde" last night, which was billed as the proto-type for "Romeo and Juliet." Well, considering Shakespeare took his source material from everyone else - history, mythology, fantasy, other authors - it's likely. But I have never liked "Romeo and Juliet" - perhaps from an aversion to Claire Danes or simply because the play represents lustful, adolescent, idiotic lust, not love. Though "Tristan & Isolde" was enjoyable - minus lengthy battle scenes which Andy enjoyed and I tried to ignore - its tag-line caused me some thought last night: Love Conquers All. Really? The bardic poetry that Isolde reads to Tristan (though I'm not sure we have documented proof of romance poetry in the dark ages...?) promises that love will endure and re-unite them in the next life - it doesn't. People die. Tristan dies (sorry if I ruined the story for you, but you know it's coming). Love doesn't conquer all - not time, death, other people, countries, emotions, sin, or fear. None of it. At least, not the human-based, self-obsessed, self-gratifying kind.

Christ represents a very different type of love that DOES conquer ALL. Lewis expounds upon this beautifully in the Great Divorce. There is a woman who loves her son, and will only 'agree' to go into Heaven if she can see him and "have" him again. The Saint sent to her (I believe her sister), tries to show her that this love - a Tristan and Isolde love, if you will - is "sometimes perfectly ready to plunge the soul they say they love in endless misery if only they can still in some fashion possess it." The counter-side of this love is a Heavenly love:

"Human beings can't make one another really happy for long...you cannot love a fellow-creature fully till you love God. Pam, Pam - no natural feelings are high or low, holy or unholy, in themselves. They are holy when God's hand is on the rein. They all go bad when they set up on their own and make themselves into false gods (idols)."

In the next scene, a wife tries to convince her husband to come with her to Heaven. He is hurt because she doesn't need or 'love' him anymore, and she responds:

" I am in love. In love, do you understand? Yes, now I love truly...I only [loved you] in a poor sort of way [in the old days]. There was a little real love in it. But what we called down on Earth was mostly the craving to be loved. I am full now, not empty. I am in Love Himself, not lonely. Strong, not weak. You shall be the same."

I suppose, then, the question is: do you believe Love conquers all? What kind? Are you loving in a self-focused way, or are you truly loving others because you have first loved Him because He first loved you? Perhaps the reason we don't "abound in love," is because our love for our Savior and Beloved is weak, self-driven, malnourished, and stunted.

The love and fulfillment the world promises - to Tristan, Isolde, Romeo, Juliet, movie stars, and all the rest - end in spiritual and physical death. That love does not fulfill or defeat time. But Christ's love does - it defeats death, it transcends time, it acts mercifully - it reaches down to hearts broken by our shattered idols and fills water-starved mouths. All the love songs, poems, stories, and legends cannot match with a God who will "quiet me with His holy love and rejoice over me with singing."

Jr. Highers & Personal Rights

2006-04-28T11:18:00.000-07:00

Wednesday night at small group I began getting frustrated with my girls as they gleefully wrote notes to the incoming 6th grade girls and talked with one another. It wasn't the writing itself nor the topics that were so irritating, as the fact that 1) they constantly spoke over each other, and 2) they spoke over what someone was saying to *make sure* they got in information about themselves. Even if interrupting was somehow respectful, they did not interrupt to compliment, encourage, or add to the other's story - they simply had to bring the conversation back to themselves. Perhaps it's incorrect to post this in blogland (though I pointed it out to them that night), but it got under my skin and, eventually, made me ponder if this was a plank in my own eye.

I then began re-reading Lewis' "Great Divorce," as it's the final text I'm teaching in my Brit. Lit class. The first ghost (the general premise of the story is people from Hell travel in a bus to the fields before Heaven - Elysium fields, if you're a Greek Myth buff - and meet Saints who have come to greet them and convince them to enter Heaven and leave Hell behind. Yet each of these Hell occupants, "ghosts," is chained to a certain sin, so the text serves as an exploration of the sins that condemn us to Hell vs. the right Christian perspective/reaction to the same sins). Anyway, the first ghost is obsessed with his rights. He meets a Saint who was a murderer on Earth, but was forgiven and redeemed from that sin before he died and went to Heaven. The "personal rights ghost" refuses to accept a world of mercy, instead insisting on getting his due. He says, "I don't want charity. I'm a decent man, and if I had my rights I'd have been here long ago." (Of course he has gotten his due for being a 'decent man' - Hell). Yet it was the Saint's response that struck me.:

"I do not look at myself. I have given up myself. I had to, you know, after the murder...that was how everything began."

I realized that, just like my girls and just like this Ghost, I always look at myself. I literally catch reflections as I walk by windows to make sure my hair looks okay. I over-analyze situations and people in terms of their relationship to *me* and what they think about *me.* Perhaps I'm more polished in terms of social convention and conversation, but the same heart is in me that wants to be noticed, wants to be appreciated, wants to be heard and valued. So the plank is in my own eye, and I apologize to my girls for being angry with them. Though, I encourage each to "give themselves up" and seek to serve others in ALL things, including conversation. I pray that God will turn me into a person who no longer looks at myself at all - as SKH might say - learns to look out windows instead of into mirrors.

Chestertonism #2 - Conditional Joy

2006-04-24T12:39:00.000-07:00

This quote comes from "Orthodoxy" and the chapter entitled: The Ethics of Fairy Land. For those who have children, I think it's a wonderful perspective on how to show children the Biblical morals/tenants of most common fairy-tales:

"I call this the Doctrine of Conditional Joy. According to Elfin ethics all virtue is an "if." The note of the fairy utterance always is, "You may live in a palace of gold and sapphire, IF you do not say the word 'cow,' or "you may live happily with the King's daughter, IF you do not show her an onion." The vision always hangs up on a veto. All the dizzy and colossal things conceded depend upon one small thing withheld.

In the fairy tale an incomprehensible happiness rests upon an incomprehensible condition. A box is opened, and all evils fly out. A word is forgotten, and cities perish. A lamp is lit, and love flies away. A flower is pucked, and human lives are forfeited. An apple is eaten, and the hope of God is gone."

My favorite part of this quote is "an incomprehensible happiness rests upon an incomprehensible condition." That condition is God's love for me, His glory, and His mercy. How utterly astounding that He would even care about my happiness or my joy! How it baffles me that at the same time we operate in a world of "if this, then that" - where consequences are real and our obedience vital in the raging spiritual battle - yet still God is sovereign. As Spurgeon once said (forgive the rough paraphrase), I know not where human responsibility and God's sovereignty meet except on the anvil of heaven.

Though God be absolutely sovereign, as Zimmer's message last night affirmed, our obedience MATTERS. Though God forgives and brings good out of our mistakes, yet it MATTERS! We have lost the gravity of obedience - we no longer fear the righteousness of God - we carry about our Arks in wheelbarrows and hoard blessings and gifts with no fear of lightning bolts or earthquakes. The consequences of Fairy Tales are absolute: if you prick your finger, you will sleep; if you eat the apple, you will die; if you stay out past midnight, you will once again have a pumpkin. Fairy Tales reflect (brokenly) the divine truth of God's word - the consequences are absolute. As the speaker at last year's Women Retreat said, "you can always choose the sin, but you cannot choose the consequences."

Live today and this week like your obedience matters - to show Christ to this dying world, to defeat the enemy's attacks, and to glorify God in all you say, do, think, and feel.

The Absurdity of Reasoning with Sheep

2006-04-19T12:37:00.000-07:00

My wonderful co-leader and I were discussing child rearing last night at the One28 Staff Meeting. We were musing on what the Bible says about sheltering your children- how much is too much? How much is not enough? When are you stagnating growth, and where are you being simply irresponsible? I mentioned one of Tolkien's statements in his essay "On Fairy-Stories" where he is defending the importance of fantasy. He says:

"Children are meant to grow up, and not to become Peter Pans. Not to lose innocence and wonder, but to proceed on the appointed journey...it is one of the lessons of fairy stories that on callow, lumpush, and selfish youth peril, sorrow, and the shadow of death can bestow dignity, and even sometimes wisdom."

Well, Tolkien is dandy, but I started pondering what Scripture said about 'sheltering' or 'not sheltering' your children. I typed in "rod" and "Shepherd's" and "use" into Google, and I got some pretty interesting articles. Many pointed out that "spare the rod" needs to be balanced with Psalm 23 ("Your rod and your staff, they comfort me"). So here is a sundry list of things that a shepherd's rod does:

Comforts (Ps. 23)
Protects (drives off predators like wolves)
Directs (leads sheep to good grazing)
Drives away foolishness (literally, as sheep are foolish, but also figuratively - Prov. 22:15)
Gives wisdom (goes with driving away foolishness; Prov 29:15)
Marks authority (i.e. the one with the rod = one in authority. This symbolism is likewise used with God and His authority over - well - everything.)

Many of the articles lamented how "rigid" Christians take the few verses in Proverbs and Psalms to defend physical punishment. One had an interesting point that the word used for "child" in Proverbs is the Hebrew "adolescent" word that spans about 10 years of age to late 20's (NOTE: must ask Sean about this). That means that, at least in the Hebrew construction, parents wouldn't even begin physically disciplining children until they were teens.

Yet, I wonder if any of these wonderful commentators have ever met a sheep. Have they ever tried to reason with one? Make one move? I've never had sheep, but I've had goats, and they're right up there - they would try to run through our electric fence, get stuck, and then just sit there bleating. Both were girls - one thought it was a boy. They assumed all things were goats, so when they escaped they would try head-butting the elderly farmer's wife next door as she shook her apron at them and screamed, "stop eating my apples!"

Honestly, though the rod often comforts, guides, directs, and protects - well - sheep are insanely stupid, and sometimes you just need to whack them on the head. Same goes for horses. If you don't (very, very quickly) teach a horse that when they willfully disobey there are consequences (a smack on the neck, perhaps), they, rather early on, realize they weigh about 1,000 pounds more than you, and they don't have to listen. I imagine the same is true with teenagers.

Yet I digress. If you don't let your children try and fail - if you don't allow them to be in challenging situations (not sinful ones, mind you, but challenging), how will they ever grow? Plants have to push through dirt and endure hail, wind, rain, bugs, small children, cats, dogs, (my goats), and other competing plants to eventually produce their fruit. Wouldn't the same apply to us? If Paul says to "run the race" with perserverence - well - to become a strong athlete mentally and physically you have to push yourself - get outside of your comfort zone. My entire two month stint on the UW Women's Crew Team (think Amazons that eat small mammals for breakfast), taught me that to run with everything you have, you must suffer incredibly. To row with strength, you must endure agony. If you keep precious things always bubblewraped, how will they be broken and remolded? How can they be refined?

My final thought is this: Matthew says that, when the one sheep escapes, the Shepherd knows where it has gone. Well, our good Shepherd knows we're going to escape - and He lets us! He could have just broken our legs so we wouldn't move (don't laugh, shepherds have done it). But he lets us run hogwild towards danger. But He saves us - always. I want my kids to fall out of tree houses and make mistakes - I want them to learn responsibility.

To be salt, you need to mix with a little pepper. To bring light to the darkness - well - you have to go to the darkness. So in the words of the famous theologians, The Newsboys, get "outta the shaker and onto the plate." Ironically, one of my goats was named Pepper...

Chestertonism #1

2006-04-17T12:51:00.000-07:00

Now that SKH has introduced all of One28 to the brilliance that is G.K. Chesterton, I thought that I would - every now and again - throw out some Chesterton quotes. As a man Chesterton was fascinating. He was a brilliant atheist who fought to construct his own world view - only to find it matched up perfectly with Roman Catholicism. He defended an 'orthodox' faith against the rampant skepticism, atheism, and disillusionment of the early 1900s. Now, I'm not a fan of much about the Roman Catholic Church, but it has produced some amazing thinkers and even a few awesome believers (Augustine and Luther, to name two. Okay, God produced Luther and Augustine - never mind...). I don't agree with all of Chesterton's theology, but he has an exceptional way of phrasing things and flipping your view to make you critically evaluate what you've long taken for granted (a bit like "Seinfield" could make you laugh at nothing - or at least mundane things like puffy shirts, soup, and doughnuts). Warning: in the world of marinating thoughts, if there be "twenty minute" marinades and "refrigerate overnight for up to three days" marinades, Chesterton is definitely the latter. Here's one of my favorite quotes (taken from the chapter: The Suicide of Thought from "Orthodoxy"):

"A man was meant to be doubtful about himself, but undoubting about the truth; this has been exactly reversed. Nowadays the part of a man that a man does assert is exactly the part he ought not to assert - himself. The part he doubts is exactly the part he ought not to doubt - the Divine Reason.

It is vain for bishops and pious bigwigs to discuss what dreadful things will happen if wild scepticism runs its course. It has run its course. It is vain for eloquent atheists to talk of the great truths that will be revealed if once we see free thought begin. We have seen its end. It has no more questions to ask; it has questioned itself. You cannot call up any wilder vision than a city in which men ask themselves if they have any selves...we have found all the questions that can be found. It's time we gave up looking for questions and began looking for answers.

Thinking in isolation and with pride ends in being an idiot. Every man who will not have softening of the heart must at last have softening of the brain." (My personal favorite).

I hope you enjoy this quote! There will be (God willing) many more to come. May it encourage you to turn your thoughts from self to "Divine Reason." Spend at least five minutes contemplating why God makes every rain drop, child, daisy, and sea urchin different. Then, contemplate why He made sea urchins to begin with. Then, move on to gooeyducks and the platapus. (Note: Job shows us the answer is: "because I AM"). Finally, be thankful He made you and keeps raising the sun! (And, if you're slightly silly like me, as you see the sun rise each morning, say, "do it again Dad!").

La Vita E Bella

2006-04-09T21:25:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite movies of all time is "La Vita E Bella" (Or "Life is Beautiful" - picture Roberto Bennigni catapulting over chairs at the Oscars). It's about an Italian family in World War II, and I love it not only because I love anything Italian (Buongiorno Principessa!), but in light of Pastor Sean's message today, it reminded me that God makes ALL things beautiful in HIS time. That means:

He brings beauty of War. No matter your views on the wars in Iraq, Uganda, or any other country ravaged by fighting, He will make that beautiful. When I watch the news and I am devestated at humanity's depravity, I must remember that He makes all things beautiful in His time.

He will take diseases, disabilities, sickness, and pain and make it beautiful.

He takes bratty, selfish, mean-spirited children (can you tell I've been watching "Super Nanny"?) and turns them into humble, loving, serving, God-honoring individuals.

He takes an overweight, dorky, bad-hair, buck-teeth, chipmunk-cheeked, acne-ridden, sarcastic, mean, scared, defensive Jr. High girl and turns her into - me! He makes all of His children beautiful inside and out according to *His* standards of beauty.

Subset of that: He will make zits, bad hair days, personal conflict, the future, the unknown, hurt feelings, loneliness, "not being cool," rejection, broken hearts, shattered dreams, and frustration beautiful in HIS time!

He will sanctify students who are truly saved. Amidst and through their mistakes, immaturities, faulty theology, and sin, He will, in His timeline, make them into His image.

He will take your yearnings in life and make them beautiful by making them for HIM!

He brings beauty to long-suffering, loss, and death.

Ultimately, He makes beautiful what we think ugliest - death. We fight death with everything in us, but He transforms it to be the greatest of Homecomings. In essence, Christ even makes evil beautiful in His time by working all things to His glory! Christ longs to bring you to Himself, just as a groom longs to take his bride home after the wedding! God is so good, and makes things so beautiful, that at death our darkness becomes light, our body is transformed, and a beauty we cannot comprehend will fill every ounce of our new beings because GOD is that beauty!!

Prudes & Prunes

2006-04-03T10:34:00.000-07:00

I've been marinating over the numerous and sundry comments about signs/words of affection between married people that meta-chatter has been discussing over my last blog. As I thought about it, I wondered why it is that non-married couples are always holding hands and showing each other affection, whereas married couples usually act somber and professional. I believe some of it is rooted in Victorian (1850-1901 England) concepts of (middle and upper-class) marriages. Most were based around wealth and social status - it was economic maneuvering. As a woman, all your prospects rested upon "coming out" when you were 16 and being married within two to three seasons. Women and men used separate staircases, slept in separate bedrooms, and viewed sex as a necessary evil to produce heirs. Add this to a culture with rigid etiquette rules (for instance: "meeting a lady in the street or in the park whom you know only slightly, you wait for her acknowledging bow - then and only then may you tip your hat to her, which is done using the hand farthest away from her to raise the hat"), and you get a society where the most physical contact you would EVER see might be a kiss on the hand or an arm around the waist.

Yet in our era, the media bombards us with examples and images of dating couples who are having all the fun versus the drudgery and frustration of then being "chained" to someone for life. (So it's our job, as the happily-married, to show how GREAt marriage is!). Even this weekend as I met some parents from 4-H and was asking one about her daughter (a little younger than me), she told me she's dating a guy but not looking to get "tied down." One of the other parents said, "good for her!" and I'm thinking - huh?! Why wouldn't you want to?! Why is there this sense that adventure and fun only happen before you're married, and then you're forced into a life of banality and boredom?

Marriage is the most fun thing EVER! (Terrible grammatical sentence, so sorry). True, it brings (many) opportunities to realize how selfish, sinful, and prideful you are - but God is so gracious to grow us in our relationships! Being married to Andy has brought incredible joy and growth to me - seeing God maturing and sanctifying your spouse is a continual cause for thanksgiving, and understanding that marriage and love are free gifts that a good and great God created to mirror our relationship with Him is AMAZING! I'm just so tired of marriage being portrayed by this dying World as a curse, weight, kill-joy, and transitory stop in one of many stores in the mall of Love (lust).

Seriously - do you understand not only the blessing, but the responsibility attached to marriage? When you get married, your relationship is a model of Christ's relationship to the Church! That's a hefty call to love, serve, support, and sharpen one another. When someone looks at your marriage, they should see a (albeit flawed) picture of Christ's love for us, His bride! Ultimately, our love for Christ should overflow into our relationships, marriage or otherwise - I know as I grow in loving God and pursuing Him, my love for Andy will grow deeper and more Christ-like. What a great gift from God! He has blessed us with companionship and fellowship - first with Him, and then with each other. Marriage is a sweet, incredible adventure - it's a tool God uses to fashion us more into His image. It should be cherished, applauded, and showcased. Now, Andy and I will do our best not to gross anyone out - but I'm super-excited for this amazing gift I don't deserve and the joy, blessings, and challenges to come!